with a smile

Lift your head, baby, don’t be scaredOf the things that could go wrong along the wayYou’ll get by with a smileYou can’t win at everything but you can try

Baby, you don’t have to worry‘Cause there ain’t no need to hurryNo one ever said that there’s an easy wayAnd when they’re closin’ all their doorsAnd they don’t want you anymoreIt sounds funny but I’ll say it anyway

Girl, I’ll stay through the bad timesEven if I have to fetch you everydayYou’ll get by if you smileYou can never be too happy in this life

‘Cause in a world where everybodyHates a happy ending storyIt’s a wonder love can make the world go roundBut don’t let it bring you downAnd turn your face into a frownYou’ll get along with a little prayer and a song

Lift your head, baby, don’t be scaredOf the things that could go wrong along the wayWe’ll get by with a smileNow it’s time to kiss away those tears goodbye


- Eraserheads
Pinoy Rock

that corner

im back
here in my corner
where i was
where everyday
i was

here in my world
where i dream
many things
about the world
for the world

here i come back
again to work
to be part of the struggle
tryin to
live the dreams

and hopefully
cheerfully
help make the world
a little more
brighter

(though it appears
many times
chances are bleak)

in this world
each step is real
difficult and struggle
yet possible
and can be...

layers of cobwebs
hiding darkness
hanging cobwebs thick
protect, cover
emptiness

cold, damp
squeaking loneliness
silent cries, longings
deafening silence

cobwebs - protection
from pricking heat
maddening storms
slapping thunders

but still
inside
light yearns to show
enveloping warm

yes, it is open
yet it wants
to open, be open
to spread light and warmth

to be discovered
to be one with one.

cold air without winter
freezin night in the summer

longing for warmth
seeking for touch

missing you
feeling you

this is Christmas night
without you...

quatros amigos 

light my fire

embers burning
ashes moving
wind gushes
dust and gray
smoke fill the air

in the cold night
of December
Purification
Unification
free spirits
wandering souls

Shaman says:
all good wishes

fantasy is over
when something great
finish, over
thus sad

it is sad
but we move on
fantasy becomes memory
and memory embedded
become part of
you and me.

no tears...

my heart is broken
yes, its true
it is because of you
but not caused by you

i did not kiss you goodbye
(i am not able)
or maybe its because
i dont know how

i knew from the start
when our times will end
in my mind i say im prepared
im ready
yes, i thought i was

but moments after journeying to Paris
i felt like a paper boat
sailing in wild river
hours, minutes passed by
quickly, and even i wanted it stopped
i just cant
its beyond control

and the plane ride, imagine
i sat between (2) French
a man and a lady
i wanted to talk
but i simply cant.

i felt like hot air balloon
flying but ready to explode

i wanted to cry, i am broken
the moment you turned, i turned
but how can i cry?
when i know, im happy...

my love for you alone
makes me happy
i shouldn't cry.

walking
waiting
running

where?
somewhere...
we can guess
we can go
but no one
sees
no one
knows.

... at the airport

curtains down
windows close
ending
never easy
but its
the start
(or so we think?)

wake up
wake up
the day begun

wake up
wake up
things have to be
done

ironic synonyms

reflections
like mirror
show/s
a side

unseen.

at the close

every second
each drop
each stroke
every breathe

running
ticking
and two things
silence...
tranquil...

from gaiety
grief melancholic mixed
all collected.

pain

i saw it
rushing velocity
swift like a flash

penetrating
slowly

then it came
piercing in slow motion

thousands of ripple
blood gushing
fallen

then tears washed them
away...

Blown by the wind
Cypress leaves
Much like dust
Flying
Endlessly
No direction
Invisible

I stop and think
How fortunate
I am

To be here
just here

A time to
Stop and think
Is rare

In this busy world
In this troubled world.

All I ask of You

No more talk of darkness Forget these wide-eyed fears I'm here Nothing can harm you My words will warm and calm you Let me be your freedom Let daylight dry your tears I'm here With you, beside you To guard you and to guide you
Say you love me every waking moment Turn my head with talk to summertime Say you need me with you now and always Promise me that all you say is true That's all I ask of you
Let me be your shelter Let me be your light You're safe No one will find you Your fears are far behind you All I want is freedom A world with no more night And you Always beside me To hold me and to hide me
Then say you'll share with me one love, One lifetime Let me lead you from your solitude Say you want me And you need me Beside you Anywhere you go, let me go too That's all I ask of you
Say you'll share with me one love One lifetime Say the word and I will follow you Share each day with me, Each night, each morning Say you love me You know I do Love me, that's all I ask you Love me, that's all I ask of you

- Today Cliff remembered to include this song in our album. We sang this together one silly night with Fatos listening.

Seasons

Don't let the pain of one season destroy the joy of all the rest. Don't judge life by one difficult season. Persevere through the difficult patches and better times are sure to come some time or later.

- from Zeus' e-mail

The Beauty of life is best shared
with the ones we call our friends.

Through the peaks and valleys,
our journey never ends.

Its colors are vibrant,
from the darkest to the light.

And when the sun rises
to reveal a sky so blue

I feel happy to live in a world
that's forever touched by YOU

- Pam

after a while i learned that even the sunshine burns if you get too much...so i started to plant my own garden and decorate my own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring me flowers...and i learned that i can really endure...that i am really strong..and i really do have worth... and i learned...and i learned... with every goodbye i learned...

- from a writer unknown to this writer

am i?

are you a japanese?
a chinese?
mexican?
spanish?

funny, my color is
reddish
brown
some say white
yellow some

am i asiatic
yes, i am asian
proud and pinay

and i am always
the simple me.

walkin
in the night
freezin
cold
yet pushin

for kebab.

for every line, a song
for every question, a guess or an attempt
for answers, to answer

it never cease to amaze
yes, life is
like this
a search, a journey

but its good...
in the end
it will be worth it
for sure...

Ghost Story

I watch the western skyThe sun is sinkingThe geese are flying southIt sets me thinking I did not miss you muchI did not sufferWhat did not kill meJust made me tougherI feel the winter comeHis icy sinews,Now in the firelightThe case continuesAnother night in courtThe same old trialThe same old questions askedThe same denialThe shadows closing roundLike jury membersI look for answers inThe fire’s embersWhy was I missing thenThat whole December?I give my usual line,I don’t rememberAnother winter comesHis icy fingers creepInto these bones of mineThese memories never sleepAnd all these differencesA cloak I borrowWe kept our distancesWhy should it follow thatI must have loved you?What is a force that binds the stars?I wore this mask to hide my scarsWhat is the power that moves the tide?Never could find a place to hideWhat moves the earth around the sun?What could I do but run and run and run?Afraid to love, afraid to failA mast without a sailThe moon's a fingernailAnd slowly sinkingAnother day begins And now I'm thinkingThat this is indifference Was my inventionWhen everything I did Sought your attentionYou were my compass starYou were my measureYou were a pirate's mapOf buried treasureIf this was all correctThe last thing I'd expectThe prosecution restsIt's time that I confessedI must have loved youI must have loved you

your sun
has eclypsed the mist
tonight
it still til 2012?

wake us with your comedy
nahivity at early morning
begin again
sunny karmatic loop.

de gonchi
recorded


today, we were in milan me, ela, phuong and gonchi. and in the afternoon while we were whiling away time in front of the duomo san ambrosio, cliff and fatos emerged from the piazza.

we do not know that they are coming but they did decide late and then found us! amidst the crowd.

yes, the heart knows where to go, indeed!

exam

finito
finis
no secrets
no myths
now its finished
and then
nothing more...

treasure box
burried
diamonds
thorns
roses
waiting to be found

above ground
diamond sparkles
light surrounds
thorns melt
roses perfume.

traces of gold
twinkle in blue skies
serene, tranquil
unfold before eyes
give rest
fill a heart's
discontent.

sail
across
waves
flow
endless
time bound...

de gonchi

never comeback
to your glory land
glory is gone
you must go on.

find
wonder...

A breathe
Thread in between
A snap
Just here

Yet miles and miles
Down the lane
Horizon show
Beautiful, impossible to hold.

STREETS OF LOVE

You're awful brightYou're awful smart I must admit You broke my heart The awful truth Is really sad I must admitI was awful badWhile lovers laughAnd music playsI stumble byAnd hide my painMmmm, the lamps are litThe moon is goneI think I've crossed The Rubicon And I, I, I, I, I, I, IWalk the streets of loveAnd they're full of tearsAnd I, I, I, I, I, I, IWalked the streets of loveAnd they are full of fearsWhile music pumps From passing carsA couple watch me from a barA band just playedThe wedding march And the corner store Mends broken heartsAnd a woman asks me for a dance Oooooh, it's free of chargeJust one more chance OOhh, but I, I, I, I, I, I, IWalk the streets of loveAnd they're full of tearsAnd I, I, I, I, I, I, IWalk the streets of lovefor a thousand years... Oh...tell me now...Ahh...I walk the streets of love, and they're drenched with tears, ohhh... You had the movesYou had the cardsI must admit You were awful smartThe awful truth Is awful sadI must admit I was awful bad And I, I, I, I, I, I, IWalk the streets of love And they're drenched in tears And I, I, I, I, I, I, II walk the streets of loveFor a thousand years And I, I, I, I, I, I, IWalk the streets of love And they're drenched with tears

Genova thought for the day

Friends are those rare people who ask how you are and then wait to hear the answer.

(brought to you by Baci chocolate...)

kitchen

pages fading
swift, animate
images passing
vivid, intensified
intertwined
at the end.

explode
surge
current
take me
drowned in the abbyss
unknown, blind
and free

sunny ILO

I opened my eyes
You came
Rushing
Contagious
Electrified
I breathe in
And I am ready to go...

maybe... it is

if i dont, why i find myself
yearning to see you, be with you, touch you

if i dont, why i feel restless
when i feel something bothers you

and why do i care so much
that you are ok, not lonely nor blue

if i dont, why i find myself also thinkin
sometimes dreamin about you

then there are moments
i even cry and its all because of you

if i dont, why when the phone rings
id like to believe its you

if i dont, why i want to be near you
always, always (but i try to hold myself)

if i dont, why i enjoy kisses and embrace
though its brotherly

if i dont, why i can stay and listen
to your broken hearted stories
knowing your heart belongs to someone else

if i dont, why i wish you to have her
if i dont, why i want you to find such happiness
though my heart crashes

then maybe, yes, it is... maybe its affection, care
and then maybe, yo te quiero?


its funny and hard to explain but the feelings are true. i have confusions, questions on reasons.
but its a good feeling to care for someone. its a big surprise, but its good to know that I can care and love in a special way again.

autumn then winter

without sun leaves wither, fall and die - slowly until the tree is left with nothing. every autumn, every year, it happens.

on the other hand man has the ability to resist and survive without the sun. there are sources of heat and warmth that give men the ability to withstand cold both literally and figuratively.

man's genius created technologies - heater, winter clothes, etc. to protect everyone from the nail-biting coldness of winter. for one coming from a tropical country, its hard to imagine how i could have survived italy without them.

then we have the human blanket that comes in handy when we are lucky enough to be surrounded by family, friends and loved ones. warmth and heat from people, yes they are the best protection from the possibility of being frozen.

lazy weekend

12 nov.

yesterday and today were two lazy days for us. the first half of the day i had to organize the things i should send earlier so that my baggage will not be over the limit. i also organized all the readings we had to study for an exam. i then had lunch, took a shower and then had tea with my Fatos and my dear Gonchi. (my other favorite man, Cliffor, went to Sienna for the weekend.)

in the evening after dinner, we went to see a theater production, Don Quixote. after the show was finished at around 11PM, we walked around town to search for some coffee or hot chocolate. can you imagine that it took us an hour and a half to find one? hay, Torino is really incredible. it was saturday night and all the bars were closed.

anyways, we found a bar, sit for around 40 minutes. afterwards, we didnt find a bus nor a tram in the area. we walked for another hour and a half looking for a taxi and there was none. it was really crazy because when we finally found the taxi it was already 4am.

what an adventure...

13 nov.

today, we spent the first half of the day, of course sleeping. after lunch we watched a movie about the Women Oppression in Afghanistan, the title is OSAMA. it was unfortunate that it was in Arabic language with subtitles only in Turkish language because it was Fatos (a Turkish Cypriot) who brought it from her country. but we managed to understand from the scenes and also with the kind translation of Fatos. I feel pity to the women who are abused and oppressed by stupid men who think they are lords. Excuse me, but I would say, fuck them! and it is not just about the imbalance of power but the entire extremist thinking - women cannot go out of the house without a male companion. ridiculous!

now, i am answering my e-mails...

Encounters

In life we meet many people. Some for a few seconds during a ride in a bus, some for a few hours while waiting for a delayed flight. Some people we meet during conferences and meetings, and still some others in a party or dinner organized by friends, colleagues and acquaintances. Yes, there are many, many occasions we meet people of different races, religion, social status, beliefs and traditions.

However, among the thousands that we meet, only a few leave marks, and still only a number in our lifetime makes that connection with us - people who in a brief moment touch our lives and become part of it in one way or another through their thoughts, words, and gestures. Some encounters may ignite us to pose questions about the world, the social status quo and can even question our own existence. And then some can even inspire us to traverse new directions, look back or simply seize every moment of the present.

For these reasons, we have to always be ready and open to listen and feel because we may never know how one person can enrich us. Perhaps, it is a mistake to believe that in our lifetime all the people we meet will leave this kind of mark. They are rare and very precious.

Time will be the test of how one encounter with someone will affect us in this entire journey of life but somehow, you can still feel in an instant, in a snap if it really touched you in a special way. This is the greatest mystery and the beauty of it is that it can never be measured in any material sense, it is purely spiritual...



- inspired by Gonchi, Cliffor, Fatos, Elah, Phuong - my habibis
Torino, Italy, 2005

to love and to hold?

is it possible to love someone and not hold him or her - meaning not expect love in return and still be happy?

yes, it is possible but the pain will always be there.

but if you hold him or her and then comes the time that he or she wants to go, its going to crush you.

in that case, perhaps its better to always be in pain not having him or her. somehow you get used to it. you live in it.

otherwise, losing someone is synonymous to death of a part of you. and sometimes, rather most of the time, it takes a lifetime to recover and sometimes even impossible.

so how then can we love and be happy - in the real sense of the word? how can we love, be secured and contented? if its impossible, life means nothing at all.

i believe in love and its mysteries but its a puzzle, a struggle.

the greatest thing is to find that someone but it may take a lifetime.

free love...

If you've been hiding from love If you've been hiding from love I can understand where you're coming from I can understand where you're coming from If you've suffered enough If you've suffered enough I can understand what you're thinking of I can see the pain that you're frightened of And I'm only here To bring you free love Let's make it clear That this is free love No hidden catch No strings attached Just free love No hidden catch No strings attached Just free love I've been running like you I've been running like you Now you understand why I'm running scared Now you understand why I'm running scared I've been searching for truth I've been searching for truth And I haven't been getting anywhere No I haven't been getting anywhere And I'm only here To bring you free love Let's make it clear That this is free love No hidden catch No strings attached Just free love No hidden catch No strings attached Just free love Hey girl You've got to take this moment Then let it slip away Let go of complicated feelings Then there's no price to pay We've been running from love We've been running from love And we don't know what we're doing here No we don't know what we're doing here We're only here Sharing our free love Let's make it clear That this is free love No hidden catch No strings attached Just free love No hidden catch No strings attached Just free love

before midnight

in the middle of the night
beside the lamp
i sit thinking
about this journey

as i reflect
i see the shadow
of the lamp and
the light around it
i kept wonderin

why i still cant sleep tight
why i am still up
and my senses alive