nix, thanks. what an appropriate piece of thought for me. but dont get me wrong, i dont mean that i am unthankful or i feel sorry for myself...

actually, i feel so privileged that the Lord has made me who I am today... even with all the heartaches and pains... I think that they are blessings too for without them... I will not be as strong, as open-minded and as focused...

but there are times really that i cannot grasp this concept of happiness... or perhaps i am looking for a specific kind of happiness which is not really possible?

i dont know... im not sure. I know life is not perfect (how can i wish for this when so many others suffer more than myself) but somehow... i am looking for something...

its just that...