turtle princess

finally doing things...

2011-06-29T05:06:00.000-07:00

a few weeks ago i decided i will go for a swimming lesson (yes, to really learn how to swim and save myself from "self-embarassment"). check, as on the 7th of july, i will head opposite NUS Arts Canteen to meet my swimming instructor for the first time.

Monday i called Julia's number and was booked for 16th of July by a French guy - for haircut, and not just a trim this time!

mundane stuff, but happily ticking out from the list!

good for 3 flights

2011-06-22T00:12:00.000-07:00

still i Q'd, but now that i'm home (and more level headed), i could say that i was still satisfied with the service i got from the embassy:

1. i've got my OWWA membership renewed (with not much questions);

2. i've got 3 OECs (t'was a bit annoying to request for the multiple OEC, but i prevailed ;-)

and most of all

3. i was welcomed by the new look of the embassy premises

i don't know if that was a new building. i'm not a construction expert to determine if they could have a new one in about 8 months (the last time i was there was in October 2010 for the renewal of my passport). nevertheless, it was great! the windows, the number notices (i don't know the name of the thing), the waiting tables/chairs, the entrance, are quite decent. so much different from the last time i was there! see the few photos pls (thanks google images)

surely, there are still some improvements to be done (i.e. electronic OEC application/request as well as payment by NETS or card). but for the time being - i feel good and 'dignified' with the gradual improvements.

have to pick up...

2010-11-07T05:18:00.000-08:00

yes, i have to pick up on many things. this weekend was quite productive. i got to catch up with myself, watched some travel and cooking programs on TLC, watched a movie, found a duck place, got together with wiki and youtube, etc. its great to have a 3-day weekend!

talk to you soon kuya charles :-)

spring of absurdity

2010-11-07T05:15:00.000-08:00

flashes:

crossing the streets of berlin allows you only about 7 secs versus about 20 on toh guan road. now i pay so much attention to the seconds ticking while crossing streets!
there is a vegetarian kebab - we learned this the hard way in berlin :-(
gebraten or gebraken? i was ordering grilled chicken at this thai resto along Oranienburger Straße and ended up with breaded chicken cutlet. hhhmmm... what's wrong with our german-english dictionary?
english is not necessary for a hotel receptionist in an international city!
at a time of panic such as the ash clouds, we thought the services sector would rise to the challenge. we were proven wrong courtesy of a not so nice lady at the central train station.

i remember najwa always mention murphy's law and sure, i only realise this in april 2010. thankful JB is around to hold my hand.

furthermore...

2010-07-28T07:56:00.000-07:00

and so apart from the soothing effect rain brings, here's another reason for such affection:

one early morning, years back in my hometown, we found a drunken creature hanging along the edge of our roof. we never knew what was the intention - if he just got the wrong address or twas an aborted burglary.

anyways, since that incident, every night i prayed to the heavens: pls, pls rain. i thought back then that once it pours weird creatures won't dare climb our roof since it's too much of a hassle to sort out and carry the umbrella at the same time!

when will the wounds of partition/s heal?

2010-06-16T21:09:00.000-07:00

http://www.economist.com/node/16364484?story_id=16364484&source=most_commented

everytime i hear stories of ethnic conflicts (like what is currently happening in kyrgyztan), i couldnt help asking why this is still possible in our time - when we hum of dialogue, tolerance and respect...

I love you rain…

2010-03-18T17:33:00.000-07:00

What is it about you rain that refreshes
Drops lazily caressing the leaves
Before they pass on the waiting grasses?

Something’s intimate in you leaves,
When you sway gently
To the whistle of the wind

Aaahhh… I’m mesmerized, I’m frozen
Drunk in this moment
Soothing this tired soul, my heart leaps!

ape adventures

2010-02-14T07:23:00.000-08:00

- briar fields

- snow-by (aka slimer; trap door)

- traditional chippy

- porters - authentic northern english pub (and nice machines in the 'little rooms')

- tesco (its not japanese dear)

- heritage centre (silk museum)

- barrats and river island (ape-shoeses)

- manchester piccadilly

- pop boutique where barberella is! (probably the toughest haircut ever...)

- forbidden palace?

- night and day

- empire exchange (all about canada in 2 pounds!)

- affleck's palace (kiwi, lime, mango, fancies and masks)

- arabesque, withington

- fuel (twice-filled)

- solomon grundy's (dove è il mio prosciutto di Parma?)

- cafe nero

- slipped my way to waterstones manchester but nicest store assistants, rewarded by the Empire of Gold and Blood! ;-)

- red chili restaurant @ portland street

- samuel alexander building, manchester university

- chemist @ oxford street

- london, euston

- wellington hotel

- waterloo grill

- waterloo station (hard to find the oysters)

- the southbanks (hello 'uncle ben')

- opuz (a turkish kebab in london - by fatos!)

- franco's ristorante pizzeria (if you're a willing spend-drift)

- gielgud theatre (everyone's a little bit racist, sometimes)

- o'callaghans hotel

- abbot lodge

- eddie rockets diner (o'connell st)

- cafe sofia, wexford street, dublin (24 hour breakfast)

- farringtons, temple bar (yes, white pudding is alright with the extra chips!)

- costcutter ballybofey, monaghan, donegal (the best wedges so far...)

have i shared my food choices in Singapore?

2009-11-16T15:44:00.000-08:00

apespecials (can be fun too!)

- mango crazy http://www.makansutra.com/eateries.html

- mango pudding (just go to the chendol/dessert stall) http://www.wismaonline.com/stores_sub1.aspx?lvl=4

- kebab (this is the resto not the stall but ok the same kebab) http://www.shirazfnb.com/index.html)

- snacks (i know... but its still apes' choice) http://www.oldchangkee.com/

- pies/tarts (or however you call it) http://www.fancydelight.com.sg/products.html

- blujazcafe + haji lane

for meals (dining variety)

- chicken rice in the world (the best part is the ginger purée with the dark soya sauce!) http://www.hungrygowhere.com/singapore/wee_nam_kee_hainanese_chicken_rice_restaurant/

- indian

1. Rangoli (my first taste of Indian food after 28 years of living - need i say more?!)

http://singaporenet.blogspot.com/2009/03/rangooli-northern-indian-cuisine-pasir.html

2. Lagnaa (good service, nice food which comes with "spicy scale")

http://www.lagnaa.com/

- italian

for nice food, reasonable fare, casual setting (excuse the sound of the cars and buses though...) http://www.hungrygowhere.com/singapore/donna_carmela/

fine dining http://www.garibaldigroup.com.sg/

more to come...

spielberg effect

2009-11-06T10:42:00.000-08:00

if an artist's work is shared (as he opted to) and results to a deluge spielberg effect, who is it to blame? is it the artist, the mob or the media?or perhaps we should go back and rethink our definitions of art, art appreciation and promotion? is art to be shared, shared-targeted, all or none of the above?

i remember a friend once telling me "all art has been contemporary". i interpreted it as "individuals having to always struggle at the beginning to be noticed or for their work to be appreciated." but what about the other side of the coin?

i am often amased at how popular culture is viewed in a sort of contempt - as i myself is guilty of. what is wrong if works are hugely embraced and i don't? i ask myself...

A Discourse on Myself...

2009-11-04T22:19:00.000-08:00

I may not be perfect but I can love. I can care with all my heart.

I can be stubborn sometimes but I know how to obey. Humble myself is not that hard.

I may be a dreamer but I can start from the low. From there I can get the stars I dream for.

I may be a critic but I know how to listen. And accept mistakes and shortcomings.

I may long for freedom but the responsibility I know. Limitations are always there.

I can smile and laugh, find the simple joys of life, but I know how to cry too.

I may be hard and composed outside but I also feel pain, pains that crush my heart.

I can be silent. But I know how to shout, how to sing, sing what’s inside, shout what’s on my mind!

I maybe a singer, a poet, a writer, a day dreamer or a philosopher, but for sure I will always be the simple me.

* * * * * * * circa 1999-2000 * * * * * * *

a north in the compass...

2009-11-02T06:33:00.000-08:00

How can we manage to maintain so beautifull memories in our lives forever? As every time we talk about Turin... my blood warms... or something happen... as I immediately get drunk and start to dream, to feel good, to have "saudade". I am afraid that these memories just became "memories" as ordinary ones... cause these beutifull feelings are still moving me and they are like little deep hermetic secret treasures that only sometimes I open and makes me air to breath in this ordinary life. I hope it will be forever as you say.

Thanks, I always loved you moved by my words... as we would have the same code. Thanks... I also need sometimes to enter to our secret sacred space to feel alive.... Thanks to share this with me.

"Happiness is a time, a place." I lately succeed, I am ok, but of course every time I remember Turin, like now, I felt that that was a real happiness you know... as a model... a "north" in the compass.

- turtle habibi reminiscin' 09

memories and amnesia...

2009-10-21T11:07:00.000-07:00

"memories are alive"... funny but this phrase just popped up again after well - 4 years and i am transported back to Turin times, again as i remember a famous line from gora.

back to the present... its one of the striking lines from a movie last Wednesday called Waltz with Bashir. the last i think of the Animation Nation 2009 (a pity!). the movie was ironic, heartbreaking and artistically done. the rock soundtrack is fantastic, funny in a dark way, as you see the brutality and stupidity of the raids and air strikes.

and then there were these other images -

looking at violence and war through "a lens" because there is no other way to look, participate and experience it without being broken, torn apart. the metaphor is as much interesting as is the symbolical meaning it connotes - that this lens is a kind of an adoptive mechanism of the subconscious. perhaps this has been studied many times in the psychological field. (i don't know... i should read about it)

firing a gun in a state of trance...

5 or 6 people shooting like mad on a car...

hearing rock and roll music onboard a battle tank and just suddenly seeing the head of your buddy knocked down (and later realising its bullet from somewhere, anywhere)...

2009-09-24T11:43:00.000-07:00

was i surprised to meet a friend of a friend who actually revels in being a “rock star” when welcomed to new places?! that kind of attention, of people prying on you. such curiosity that is weighed down by the color of the skin, eyes, hair, one’s might, height or anything strikingly uncharacteristic of the locals. and for sure, many of my “white” friends complain that people always suspect of their purse’ rosy, fatsy status.

certainly, i never enjoyed such. going to some place unknown makes me free (or gives me such an illusion). it’s a break, a getaway, a solace... not just from the hassles of the city but even perhaps from the trappings of my own self... in an alien place, i’m kind of reborn - entering a kind of tabula rasa state. bliss, yes! and then all images come clearer - hues, sound and scent more vivid.

i love the feeling of walking in the sidewalks knowing that nobody will ever call your name, to be lost in a market scene, to get lost in bus or train rides and not be bothered by the time clicking. most of all, to be met by random smiles, raw kindness from completely alien people as you are.

So why do you travel?

Quest-ce que c`est l`amour?

2009-08-05T09:01:00.001-07:00

Love is science, love is white magic, love is balladry, love is doggerel, love is doo-wop-wop-wop, love is a myth, love is ambiguity, love is the letter of the law, love is food, love is sophistry, love is subject predicate and object, love is the gulf of the incommunicable, love is a physical sensation, love is a social utopia, love is revolution, love is servitude, love is a marketing tool, love is torture, love is a colour, love is silence, love is white noise, love is the part of someone that doesn`t exist but that you can see, love is salvation, love is a trick of the light, love is hydraulics, love is the celestial abode, love is pretending, love is sickness, love is medicine, love is an armistice between warriors, love is a word I wish I`d once not used, love is like riding a bicycle and love is art. Did I leave out anything?

- J.B., 30 may 2007

flying around a cathedral

2009-08-04T16:57:00.000-07:00

it's been a while since i had a very coherent dream. many of the past ones are just images or scenes that flash in no particular flow or rationale. and then a few days ago there was the flying classroom!

we were touring an old cathedral - huge one. it was an upside down classroom with tables and chairs and students. there was someone blaberring about a "stained glass window art" - explaining what it was. at the side of my eyes, i see many of such and the plan was to fly the students to each of them.

when the flying classroom geared towards the next stained glass, something fell in the water! and those were mine! i shouted "stop" to the flying classroom (there was no captain or whatsoever but it stopped) and then i picked up the two little notebooks i have in the water (i couldnt place which part of the cathedral the fountain was located and actually before the notebooks fell, it was not part of the vision of the place).

and then when i was coming back to my place, i saw someone occupying my seat (he was a classmate from my old school in the province). strange since i remember he was always sitting on that spot. where could have i been all along since the journey to the cathedral started?

a lesson in humility...

2009-04-27T01:58:00.000-07:00

it was one of those days when i thought i was all set. i packed my bags way ahead and arrived at the airport 2 hours before the scheduled flight. but then voila!

i was limping my way to the travel tax payment counter since i had a minor surgery on the left foot. when the officer looked at my passport, he told me that i need a piece of paper instead from POEA and that i need not pay the travel tax. in turn, i said that i was willing to pay the price just so that i can go since i have that disability at the moment (he told me to go to the POEA desk who then told me that I should go another office... etc).

oh my was i panicky! i was pissed. i was worried! i was thinking of the long queu while i crawl my way to that payment window. i told the guy, what if i miss my flight and then a long series of questions and buts, you have to, you need to, you should know... etc. (i even took a picture of the counter as i planned actually to report it.) in the end, i was exasperated of arguing and i just called the driver to come back so that i could go to that "Office."

just when i was there sitting and looking worried and tired, the guy told me that he will try to call his supervisor and ask about my case. i overheard him say "... yes she has bandage on her foot..." finally, after almost 30 minutes (the driver has arrived), the Officer told me that his boss agreed and that they made an exemption because of my injury.

he reminded me again that i should go and get this POEA permit or certification since I am now officially an overseas filipino worker (OFW) and no longer a student. whew!

i was thinking if i approached it differently would my request have been granted quickly? maybe, i was too pushy or proud since i have never traveled with such hassles. i got used to diplomatic or official status - having to carry a special passport and letter from the higher-ups by-passing any other questions, etc.

hhhhhmmm... i really should get used to answering immigration questions and POEA rules and i should go to the Philippine Embassy in Singapore ASAP!

ode to my family...

2009-04-03T19:00:00.000-07:00

home is where the heart is... as the saying goes...

thinking about it, I now realize i have several homes. it s possible, yes. and i myself is stunned by this realization. i have home in the tropical islands, in the little red dot, in the north americas and now i even have my heart in The Queen's land.

my home... - with them i dont have to speak, just be there and still know that im loved and accepted. my mom never stops worrying about me, my sister looks after me, father watches over in another sphere and my brother, its a love and hate relationship (my quirkiness i guess) ...

how i'd describe my family? quite modern yet still conservative (reason why we rarely discuss really personal details about ourselves, unless necessary and called for). now, i am learning to be more vocal, more open...

we were raised to work hard and be self-sufficient. and so the basic principle is "do your thing, but be sure to take responsibility." there are good and bad sides to this principle but whatever comes, we stand close to each other. this is true that is why it is home.

home also means - location and time is immaterial. for years now, i have been living in different cities, flats - moving about, meeting new people, new friends, new acquaintances. it's nice and it makes one realize how friendships, relationships cross geographical, cultural boundaries. but at the end of the day, and after all the wheels and drive of these encounters start to fade away... home is where you find solace, comfort like curling up in the sheets as you sleep.

Culture 101

2009-02-19T22:43:00.000-08:00

coming from the pantry after pouring my cup with water, i was surprised to see a piece of paper on my desk. hhhhmmm... i saw the word Culture on top and so I approached Katelijn to know what it was all about. she smiled and said no its your neighbor...

walked back to my desk and a little while later i asked Ana, is this survey yours and i asked if she is doing a paper or something (she is really into research and stuff)? she said, no, its just for your own.

and so one by one i answered the questions and well, it was an interesting exercise. the curious thing is when i compared answers with Edwige and Katelijn, somehow there are similarities. ok differences, that is normal. but its amazing actually when we try to figure out why we answered differently. it's because a few times, we understood the question in a different sense.

Ah, a lesson in culture. can it be learned? define culture...

muse/s for the day

2009-02-18T04:45:00.001-08:00

shadows horizon
by Illac Diaz
Raza, February 2009

jelly fishes clinging to the leaves or stars turned white descended?
by Najwa Fathimath
Beijing, February 2009

yellow flowers-foggy building
by Patrick Kassmann
Macau, February 2009

affection
by JoeSardz
Antipolo City, undated

Yes these works of art are not mine, but hey, I named these photos according to how they inspired me ;-) it's amazing how works of art can stir some emotions/inspiration. a welcome break from work indeed.

NO TIME

2009-02-17T13:11:00.000-08:00

i had a nice dinner on Sunday at BBQ pit #3 courtesy of a vivacious, funny, sweet Lebanese friend. and oh she has a sister who is even sexier (yes she is, sorry dear friend :-), i just find artists really with their creative imagination and different way of looking at things.

what a pleasant surprise then that the toilet break we had became a little screening: NO TIME.

"when we sleep we escape, we escape from time. when we take a still photo we freeze
time. when we orgasm time stops. time runs very fast and the only way to freeze it is
by sleep, cameras and orgasm."

- Carine Koleilat

flashes, sporadic thinking...

2009-01-31T01:05:00.000-08:00

having to share the burden of strategic planning and thinking/rethinking of people concerns, i had a lot of headache for the last 48 hours or so. its daunting, it is...

then i remember motivation and rewards, groupthink, communication and organizational change lectures. oh i wish you were here Jak to help us figure out these things. or perhaps the bough tie man has the same thinking just bounded by other things...

--------

just a moment ago, going through some papers (pseudo clutter) at beaverloft, i found a piece of paper saying:

"Presumably the change agent is motivated by a desire to help other people. But, why does he want to help them? Is he genuinely interested in their welfare? Or - and this is sometimes the case - does he enjoy giving help solely because it inspires feelings of power, assurance, or self-righteousness in him? Usually of course, motivation is complex and involves both altruism and self-interest. This is not bad in itself. The danger comes at the point where the change agent is so busy creating a situation which will satisfy his own needs that he is unable to respond to the needs of the client system. When this happens, his help may actually be a hindrance."

- G. Lippitt

change that we need?

2009-01-22T19:58:00.000-08:00

let me outrightly say that i was moved by the "Obama story," well as of today at least. I've watched a number of videos, speeches; read a few articles and interviews, etc; and well, i waited for his Inauguration speech and got a headache the following morning. In short, I love the President's Persona and the ideals he stand for (at least the soundbytes that I have got).

I was moved by his speech reading it again this morning when I took a few minutes break from working. I would say that I am one of those rooting for him, for his O' Administration and for the renewed America that he proposes. Hopefully with his team of astute technocrats and the support of America's bureaucrats, he'd be able to turn around the America that we admire and prove once again the values it stand for works, in Obama's words -- honesty and hard work, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty.

And these same values are held true by many peoples and nations around the world, that is why perhaps, at least half of the world's population is watching the other day...

Obama's Inauguration Speech
http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2009/1/20/1261/02980/1004/686506

Obama's inauguration poem by Elizabeth Alexander
http://poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/20545?gclid=CPGV2sPro5gCFc8vpAodAnGmnA

2008-11-19T00:35:00.000-08:00

"all art has been contemporary" perhaps one of the most memorable lines from my habibi off Isla del Sol...

and he is right. many artists when they start to express themselves automatically becomes contemporary artists and it's not easy to go through the process.

i am among those who never quite understand sometimes contemporary arts. offhand, the impression is that it's quite chaotic and you get the feeling that you are lost trying to understand what it means...

however, after having been exposed to some colleagues in the art and culture sector and exchanging opinions and asking quite stupid questions... i am now convinced that the overall relevance of an artistic product of a specific period (contemporary) is how it reflects the realities of that specific time or era... it serves as a mirror from which you can see what is happening around - whether fancy, depressing, colossal, etc. and i should say that most of these are raw channels...

i guess this is the context from which we can view contemporary arts... perhaps the key is to try to have a dialogue and a disposition of openness and somehow, maybe contextualise...

henna...

2008-10-16T04:02:00.000-07:00

Little more things you need to know about India

2008-10-16T03:57:00.000-07:00

Know that there is Little India in the little red dot!

You can take the Buffalo (road) to get trimmed hair and henna.

A walk past a tiny little corner (where is the temple) shall provide you dark yellow sweets (c/o God Perumal)

Cross the street and you shall be at your Villas (Komala) - feast there! :-)

Remember to grab coconut (hair) nourishment from Mustafa!

2008-10-09T19:39:00.000-07:00

... multiculturalism overlooks the fact that people can never quite embody their own culture so what people find in common is the fact that they never live up to what their culture tells them to be.

Zizek (paraphrased by J. L. Owen)

2008-09-23T20:42:00.000-07:00

... it is not the task of the philosopher to act as the Big Other who tells us about the world but rather to challenge our own ideological presuppositions. The philosopher, is more someone who criticizes than someone who tries to answer questions.

- Žižek

divided by a common language

2008-09-23T06:24:00.000-07:00

over lunch earlier, an interesting topic came about trigerred by a malicious comment of a colleague to a colleague...

question: just when do we draw the line between "misuse of words", joke or abuse? which factors to consider when trying to communicate? seniority? authority? gender? culture? personality?

and then came a brilliant anecdote (dont know the reference though). UK and US are two nations divided by the English language as if to answer the previous question.

and then another question: does communication start with common language or the common need and want to communicate?

what can cinema do???

2008-09-08T03:20:00.000-07:00

entertainment, information, mover?

i enjoy movies that make me think and also films that make me get away from "my world of work". last night, I watched The Constant Gardener and i found it as such a moving experience. The plot is actually about drug testing in Africa (Kenya, in this case). I may not be a learned "movie critic" but I can say that this one gave me a balance of information, entertainment as well as somehow encouraged me to think more about this issue. i think that the actors were great as well. though some of the "thriller aspects" of the movie would somehow be predictable...

in fact, the movie moved me to search about Drug testing and I e-mailed my friend who did a paper on Malaria and the MNCs just a few months ago...

reading mixed reviews of the movie, i still think its a good one.

are birds really free?

2008-08-25T23:38:00.000-07:00

as we were having lunch at the Arts (a favorite, loads of people there!), heavy rain poured. we were thinking, hhhmmmm... its gonna be free afternoon ;-))) we were thinking to order some coffeee or tea after lunch was finished...

then the bird flew in on one of the tables. and Nao said, huh, they can fly with wet wings or something to this effect (perhaps I misunderstood her). but then I, instead wondered if birds are really free?

we do think of birds as free - as symbols of freedom - spread your wings and fly - is a quote borrowed a thousandth time. and even the rain, they can fly through the rain while we were stock there wonderin, strategizin, how to go back to office.

what could be the limits of a bird's freedom? or is there such? yeah, thinking hard and i dont know why...

an interesting MSN article

2008-08-22T08:18:00.000-07:00

Mike Leigh: portraying women as "not just male fantasies"

"I'm a feminist, though that's not where I came from," says British award-winning director Mike Leigh of his latest movie "Happy-Go-Lucky", a comedy featuring Sally Hawkins as the free-spirited heroine.

Hawkins, who plays positive-about-life primary schoolteacher Poppy, took home a Best Actress award for the role at this year's Berlin Film festival, where the movie was shown prior to its release in different parts of the world.

An ode to the homespun wisdom of always looking on the bright side, Leigh with his trademark kitchen-sink realism shows how irrepressibly positive 30-something Poppy takes all sorts of problems in her stride.

But he also shows how disconcerting this can be to people without a naturally happily predisposition.

"I come from a bourgeois, terribly repressive background from Great Britain in the 50s," he added. "My whole life has been about personal freedom, many of my films are about that."

In counter-point to Poppy is her driving instructor Scott -- played by Eddie Marsan recently seen in "21 Grams", "Hancock" and "Gangs of New York" -- who is so alienated he cannot handle his infatuation with her.

"The point about Poppy," Leigh said in an interview, "is she is ultimately serious, she has the capacity to care. But with that she's open-minded, free-spirited."

While Poppy was at one with existence, Scott was completely out of touch, he said. "He understands nothing, he's totally cut off from his emotions, his feelings, his own motivations."

Leigh, now aged 61, has won multiple Oscar nominations for his slice-of-life films, including the 2004 feature on a backroom abortionist "Vera Drake", and his 1996 drama about family secrets "Secrets & Lies".

In many of the films, women play a prime role.

"Though I see the world as a heterosexual male person, my job is to tell a story in a way that makes each character keep its complete integrity, no matter if it's a man or a woman."

"As a film-maker, I feel I have to make good parts for women because there aren't many in the world, parts that are not just male fantasies."

"Happy-Go-Lucky", said Leigh, did not have a single message.

"It's about a multiplicity of things," he said.

"It's about being fulfilled by the richness of life, not about joy or happiness, but it has to do with responsibility and work and caring."

"In all my films, it is not conscious but it comes from my own life, there is a battle, a struggle, a tension between repression and freedom, anarchy and free spirit."

Brown Penny

2008-08-10T23:25:00.001-07:00

I WHISPERED, 'I am too young,'
And then, 'I am old enough';
Wherefore I threw a penny
To find out if I might love.
'Go and love, go and love, young man,
If the lady be young and fair.'
Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny,
I am looped in the loops of her hair.
O love is the crooked thing,
There is nobody wise enough
To find out all that is in it,
For he would be thinking of love
Till the stars had run away
And the shadows eaten the moon.
Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny,
One cannot begin it too soon.

of Kant and perceptions

2008-08-02T22:43:00.000-07:00

one of the most striking lectures of Jak to our class is about perceptions - in particular the attribution error that many of us commit unconsciously. to quote an article on The Straits Times (June 2008 by Gary Hayden):

"In general, the way people act depends partly on character and disposition, and partly on circumstances. But when we judge the actions of others, we tend to make a fundamental error. We attribute too much to personality and character and too little to situation and context."

i always believed that i give the benefit of the doubt to any person and any circumstance - meaning even if i hear something bad about a person, im not easily swayed that a person is such. i postpone any judgement at first instance and at least try to see the situation. basically what happened and why it happened. of course the who part is inevitable to crop up. we all are influenced by our characteristics but then behavior are influenced by factors in our environment. motivation, rewards and punishment do play a part.

perhaps this is one of the greatest lessons i learned in the MPA classroom of Jak. i was a true blue Kantian (categorical imperative) until i was swayed by this strong theory. and indeed it has many circumstances to back it up. though i still believe that people do choose to do good or right on his or her own not because of fear of going to hell or jail but because it is right, now i can say that sometimes people choose to do otherwise not because of their own free choice but because they are pushed by circumstances.

- to be continued...

2008-07-28T23:06:00.000-07:00

discoveries while home...

Charles really eats a lot! and likes to give many alibis when asked to read... yet he can read and great with numbers!

My sister is really great in choosing gifts for kids ;-)));

Bagoong Club Resto (Sacred Heart, Quezon City, +632 929-0544; 929-5450; http://bagoongclub.multiply.com/) - its really great with its very homey feeling and the good food and very personalized service. As I said like a 5 star hotel. You are given customized attention ;-)));

Meryll Streep is fabulous with her high jump antics on Mama Mia;

Helen is a strong storm;

Found a cozy cafe (with wi-fi) in Antipolo called Espresso Excelso and its really great!

The theme of the Dark Knight is so similar to the dilemna faced by most policy makers - then the State of the Nation Address (SONA) by GMA!;

I missed Filipino telenovelas;

I really miss phinesfreak and van dam! of course i miss orleans too...

2008-07-10T18:22:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inUKxeeHSM4&NR=1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-fmhEmt_t0

hhhmmm... the song i heard before i even know about Winnie the Pooh!

2008-07-09T01:28:00.001-07:00

ha the wisdom that can only come after the fact! and then you realize you may have missed doing something or just feel sorry you didnt do otherwise.

still, we are instruments even with our own fears that we were unfit to face the tides.

at least we can describe how it was in our moment, leave the rest of the deciphering to the ones after us.

2008-07-02T05:08:00.000-07:00

I know... the joy is in the journey. You have to live at the moment... breathe it... But sometimes it gets tiring, or maybe because no matter how new each leaf that flies... you somehow see similarities, patterns...

There are lines... and these lines you see in each...
There is shade and light...
There is that smell - different they may be
And the sensation... you touch and you feel...

This touch makes you wish something is more permanent. Because, that fleeting moment of connection gets to you.

Sometimes you wish its not too wishful thinking to hold on to something...

2008-06-27T18:30:00.000-07:00

... some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all - in which case, you fail by default.

Failure gave me an inner security that I had never attained by passing examinations.

Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way.

I discovered that I had a strong will, and more discipline than I had suspected; I also found out that I had friends whose value was truly above rubies.The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive.

You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift, for all that it is painfully won, and it has been worth more to me than any qualification I ever earned.

- an excerpt from J. K. Rowling's Harvard Commencement Address

I could not agree more, there are failures in my life that are more valuable than any winnings and triumphs. I have recognized that I would have been a different person otherwise...

And friends, yes, those friends that stay... they are those who will stay for the next 100 years (even if we all cease to live that long enough, at least they are willing to be there!).

2008-06-19T22:16:00.000-07:00

I would like to beg you, dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.

- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet (Letter Four Worpswede, near Bremen July 16, 1903)

2008-06-18T11:23:00.000-07:00

SURVIVAL KIT ANYONE?

Be your own person. Never let the goings on outside change or influence you, if the inner self is not convinced to do so.

Be independent without being aloof or "alien".

Learn to communicate, and never be afraid to express yourself.

Be helpful and courteous.

Always check your self-respect in whatever you think, say or do.

Respect others the way you want to be respected.

Take a few minutes off to reflect and ponder the many little things in life often taken for granted like good food, good music, good conversations over a cup of coffee, etc.

Never loose the seeds of hope and faith in your heart.

Smile and laugh, and eat!

Spend time with the persons you love.

Look at the night sky and gather some fresh air, once in a while.

Enjoy and go out to unwind but be responsible to look after yourself, after all you’ll be better off without unnecessary worries. Simply said, have clean fun!

Never harm and deliberately cause pain to others. And just in case, do not allow pride get in the way of repairing damages done.

Never abuse and use people for your own good and interests.

Know and accept who you are and be the best of whatever you can be!

Love and inspire people as much as you can!

Be true and fair in all circumstances.

Remember that real happiness comes with clear conscience and a healthy sense of meaning and fulfillment.

Read good books and learn from experience!

Never be afraid to stand for what you believe is right. Fight for the truth and you gain dignity.

Humility is the key to greatness.

Be a healthy receiver of criticisms for oftentimes we fail to see ourselves objectively.

Remember that the BIG GUY is looking after you. He knows every little fear, hope, pain, and happiness in your heart.

- Whew, I wrote these a few years ago... I cannot really remember when but i sure sound a little more preachy here. I have always been idealistic I think. But now I ask myself, is this still what I feel? I guess, most of it yes. But I myself still find it difficult to survive in this world of complexities even I have these survival thoughts...

And so perhaps now, it will not be as easy for me to recommend these things to people I meet... but ok, this is here... and maybe it can help...

One Fine Day...

2008-06-07T18:42:00.000-07:00

Location/Activities: Banyan Condo Lunch, Samba Street Gig at Orchard, Shopping at Bugis, Dinner at BluJaz Cafe, Party at St. James

Characters: Helen

Jowil, BJ, Dedeng

Najwa, Dorien, Malou

Supporting Roles:

Sabrina and Michael

got the USB stick

2008-06-01T07:16:00.000-07:00

Hi Helen!

Thanks so much for the pictures.. and more important, for all the nice memories we shared!Hope this USB stick finds its way back to you again. I've put all my pictures from Desaru, Pulau Ubin and KL on here, as well as everything from Cambodia. Unfortunately I haven't added labels to the Cambodia pictures yet... but ok, at least you have them now. Back home I'll try to add titles and then I can send them to you again if you want. Hopefully I can scan the negatives of my other photos and upload those somewhere later.. there's a couple of pictures I am very happy with so would be nice to share them.

Then there's the album by dEUS. You've heard a few songs already but here's the rest. It's not their best album though (in my opinion), so if you enjoy this you should certainly look into their debut for example. I've also added the latest album by Tindersticks, one of my favourite bands. It's called The Hungry Saw. They just released this new album while I was in Singapore (I missed the tour back home, unfortunately) so I've been listening to it a lot here. I think it's great. Maybe you like it too :)

Hope to see you again one day.. and let's stay in touch.

:)

2008-05-27T20:54:00.000-07:00

learned last night from aziz a French proverb? "l'amour a ses raisons que la raison ignore" tough call!

The Legend that is Angkor...

2008-05-27T14:43:00.000-07:00

The Legend that is Angkor (Siam Reap) ... and yes also Phnom Penh

(1) Cambodia countryside with that particular Khmer roof style.

(2) Tuol Sleng... thousand faces of suffering – no exceptions, men, women, children and even new-born babies. Quoting a British friend, “if everybody was made to go to a place like that to see what happened (during wars and genocides) at least once in their life the world would be a better place.”

(3)Feeling royal... in Phnom Penh

(4) Throne Hall on the grounds of The Royal Palace.

(5) Motos and beautiful Khmer girls...

(6) Angkor Wat without the sunrise.

Then our group moved to Siam Reap by bus lulled by some Cambodian music videos (for 6 hours!). We stayed in a Western run inn called Rosy’s Guesthouse. It was nice for 10USD a night (highly recommended).

We spent one a half day at the temples. Short by most standards, but we did a good job generally. We were able to see most of the well-known temples such as of course the Angkor Wat, Phnom Bakheng, Angkor Thom (where you find the Leper King and the Elephant Terraces, Prasats, the Baphuon and the Bayon). We also went to Neak Pean, Preah Khan, Pre Rup, Bantay Srei and the Ta Prohm temples. Whew! So many temples and the names can be really confusing. It was good that I brought my flatmate’s Ancient Angkor Guidebook. One would be amazed at the details of the reliefs and the number of temples that the Khmer civilization was able to build – hundreds of them!

Our trip was made special by our encounters with the beautiful children of Cambodia, the tasteful Khmer food, the Tuk-Tuk rides, the stairs and slopes we had to climb to be on top of the temples and see the universe of jungle and temples all over Siam Reap. As I said on my album description of the Siam Reap trip, when you are there in front of the Angkor Gates with the Buddha faces, you can’t help but feel surreal. Like you are overwhelmed to be there, but you can’t believe you are there at the same time!

(7) Bantay Srei

(8) Gate to Angkor Thom

(9) Ta Prohm

(10) Preah Khan

http://www.spp.nus.edu.sg/newsletter/2008/august/student2.html

A Declaration of Self-Esteem

2008-05-20T20:18:00.001-07:00

In all the world there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine.

Because I alone chose it, I own everything about me. My body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or to myself.

I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own all my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me - by so doing I can love me and be friendly with me in all my parts.

I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me and other aspects that I do not know, but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and for ways to find out more about me.

However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me.

If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting and keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded.

I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore I can engineer me. I am me and I have choice.

- VIRGINIA SATIR -

Jihad vs McWorld

2008-04-16T03:52:00.000-07:00

Jihad vs. McWorld is the title of a 1995 book by political scientist Benjamin R. Barber, in which he puts forth a theory that describes the struggle between "McWorld" (globalization and the corporate control of the political process) and "Jihad" (tradition and traditional values, often in the form of extreme nationalism or religious orthodoxy and theocracy).

The book was based on a March 1992 article first published in the Atlantic Monthly.[1] The book employs the basic critique of neoliberalism seen in Barber's earlier, seminal work Strong Democracy. As economic liberalism — not to be confused with political liberalism as it is defined in the United States — is the force behind globalization, this critique is relevant on a much larger scale. Unregulated market forces encounter parochial (tribal) forces. These tribal forces come in many varieties: religious, cultural, ethnic, regional, local, etc. As globalization imposes a culture of its own on a population, the tribal forces feel threatened and react. More than just economic, the crises that arise from these confrontations often take on a sacred quality to the tribal elements; thus Barber's use of the term "Jihad" (although in the 2nd edition, he expresses regret at having used this term).

Barber's prognosis in his 1995 book, Jihad vs McWorld: How Globalism and Tribalism Are Reshaping the World, is generally negative — he concludes that neither global corporations nor traditional cultures are supportive of democracy. He further posits that "McWorld" could ultimately win the "struggle." He also proposes a model for small, local democratic institutions and civic engagement as the hope for an alternative to these two forces.
The term "McWorld" is a neologism related to George Ritzer's analysis of corporate culture in The McDonaldization of Society.

- just mentioned by Kenneth in class in relation to Singapore Society in between globalization and traditional heartlanders

2008-04-15T23:11:00.002-07:00

I like your quote and it's very true. Like I believe in many things moments are what make up your life so make the moments as positive as you can. Love yourself and others will as well. Positive attracts the like and so does negative. Like fireflies those that emit light attracts others that do as well.

-from bubbamichael

feels like sunday lunch home...

2008-04-06T18:00:00.000-07:00

a random feast... i must say... started from Filipino national fish called bangus

fried milkfish (daing na bangus), some vegetables (mushroom, laing, etc), green salad with bits of yellow mangoes, chicken adobo, cured pork (tocino), and some vietnamese snacks plus maldivian dessert (much like leche flan).

backpackers' family house...

2008-03-09T08:35:00.000-07:00

2008-03-09T08:06:00.000-07:00

the yin and the yang are the basic opposing forces - negative and positive, dark and light, cold and hot, male and female which keep the world and all life spinning. because they are opposites they need each other to make the whole. out of the tension which arises from the attraction of opposites comes the dynamic of life...

- found this at Orangutan House, Jonker Street, Malacca, Malaysia (photo with Charles Cham... www.charlescham.com)

2008-02-25T23:17:00.000-08:00

how is langkawi?

everyone asks when we arrived from the chinese new year break and what am i to say? the northern malaysia trip was special not because the beaches of malaysia are good or not...

what made the trip interesting... we went to pulau tuba which is not the langkawi island itself but a smaller island. quite a few boat rides (marble jetty!). not much tourists - off the beaten path. we experienced the rural life in malaysia... with our malay families cooking for us. i remember my childhood days in the farm of my grandfather. food - nasi goreng, nasi lemak, laksa, crabs, the mangoes with chili sauce (not for erika). najwa and i went for an early evening walk, twas relaxing and uncanningly familiar...

what else??? here are some photos...

Back to the basics

2008-01-21T12:19:00.000-08:00

Gabriel Garcia Marquez, famous writer from Colombia, and Nobel Peace Prize winner for literature, has retired from public life for reasons of health. He has a form of cancer, which is terminal. He has sent a farewell letter to his friends.

A GENIUS SAYS GOODBYE FOR GOOD (It is recommended reading because it is moving to see how one of the best and most brilliant of writers> expresses himself & with sorrow).

He says:

If God, for a second, forgot what I have become and granted me a little bit more of life, I would use it to the best of my ability.

I wouldn't, possibly, say everything that is in my mind, but I would be more thoughtful of all I say. I would give merit to things not for what they are worth, but for what they mean to express. I would sleep little, I would dream more, because I know that for every minute that we close our eyes, we waste 60 seconds of light. I would walk while others stop; I would awake while others sleep.

If God would give me a little bit more of life, I would dress in a simple manner, I would place myself in front of the sun, leaving not only my body, but my soul naked at its mercy. To all men, I would say how mistaken they are when they think that they stop falling in love when they grow old, without knowing that they grow old when they stop falling in love.

I would give wings to children, but I would leave it to them to learn how to fly by themselves. To old people I would say that death doesn't arrive when they grow old, but with forgetfulness. I have learned so much with you all, I have learned that everybody wants to live on top of the mountain, without knowing that true happiness is obtained in the journey taken & the form used to reach the top of the hill. I have learned that when a newborn baby holds, with its little hand, his father's finger, it has trapped him for the rest of his life. I have learned that a man has the right and obligation to look down at another man, only when that man needs help to get up from the ground.

Say always what you feel, not what you think. If I knew that today is the last time that that I am going to see you asleep, I would hug you with all my strength and I would pray to the Lord to let me be the guardian angel of your soul. If I knew that these are the last moments to see you, I would say 'I love you'.

There is always tomorrow, and life gives us another opportunity to do things right, but in case I am wrong, and today is all that is left to me, I would love to tell you how much I love you & that I will never forget you. Tomorrow is never guaranteed to anyone, young or old. Today could be the last time to see your loved ones, which is why you mustn't wait; do it today, in case tomorrow never arrives. I am sure you will be sorry you wasted the opportunity today to give a smile, a hug, a kiss, and that you were too busy to grant them their last wish.

Keep your loved ones near you; tell them in their ears and to their faces how much you need them and love them. Love them and treat them well; take your time to tell them 'I am sorry';' forgive me',' please' 'thank you', and all those loving words you know. Nobody will know you for your secret thought. Ask the Lord for wisdom and strength to express them. Show your friends and loved ones how important they are to you... (some words deleted)

For you, With much love, Your Friend, Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Reminds me so much of "All I really need to know I learned from Kindergarten". Its amazin how an acclaimed writer must admit that the monotony of everyday living can blind us (even for a little moment) of the most important things.

2007-12-04T19:42:00.001-08:00

By the window looking
The skies refresh, leaves
Cool, warm feeling
Rain pours, crying
But this site releasing
Gives rest to an otherwise
Heart beating... thumping...

- while reading, C.J. Koh Library, LKYSPP, Singapore

2007-11-23T08:52:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I cant move my feet it seems
As if Im stuck in the ground somehow like a tree
As if I cant even breathe
Oh, and my screams come whispering out

As if nobody can even see me
Like a ghost, sometimes
I cant see myself
Sometimes, then again, oh

If I were a king
If I had everything
If I had you and I could give you your dreams

If I were giant-sized, on top of it all
Then tell me what in the world would I sing for
If I had it all

Sometimes I feel lost
As I pull you out like strings of memories
Wish I could weave them into you
Then I could figure the whole damn puzzle out
Then again, oh
And if I were a king

If I had everything
If I had you and I could give you your dreams
If I were giant-sized, on top of it all
Then tell me what in the world would I go on for

If I had it all
I could take anything
If I had no greed to bring
Only the poison thats tainting the clean
Oh, then nothing

Remembering times much younger than me now
When my breath was light
When the world raised me up kind
And here mother comforts child
Every moment was waking up
But now Ive grown tired... out

If I had it all, you know
Id fuck it up
If I were a king
If I had everything
If I had you and I could give you your dreams

If I were giant-sized, on top of it all
Then tell me what in the world would I sing for...
If I were a king
If I had everything, piece by piece
If I had you if I could give you your dreams
If I were giant-sized, on top of it all
Then tell me what in the world would I go on for
If I had it allIf I had it all
If I had it all

- always
Habibi shares to me
beautiful photos (like the amazon river)
beautiful songs (like this one of Dave Matthews)
haunting poems (just like the old ones)

2007-11-17T09:08:00.000-08:00

“When you know [the Universal Language of the World], it’s easy to understand that someone in the world awaits you, whether it’s in the middle of the desert or in some great city. And when two such people encounter each other, and their eyes meet, the past and the future become unimportant. There is only that moment, and the incredible certainty that everything under the sun has been written by one hand only. It is the hand that evokes love, and creates a twin soul for every person in the world. Without such love, one’s dreams would have no meaning.”

–Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

And I said -

Out there is someone...
Who will find you and just discover you...

Worried for the Wrong Reasons...

2007-11-17T08:42:00.000-08:00

Flooded with cites
Worries for 1000 words
Worries for an A

But do you worry
Worry that I know you less
Worry that I know just your name
Name which is not you...

More than the cites and the 1000 words...
I worry I know just your name.

For Helen...

From Coffee

(while discussing about how well we could have known each other if it were not for the papers and the assignments...)

2007-11-02T20:43:00.000-07:00

welfare states? prof. ashish gave us a little lecture about the welfare states (tax systems). interesting

Annakshmi...

2007-10-27T19:29:00.000-07:00

Write up in Lonely Planet:
Annalakshmi – Far and away one of the best Indian eateries in Singapore, vegetarian and otherwise., this is actually a charity institution, where the home-style food and superb range of Indian drinks is served up by volunteers. When you have had your fill, you just pay whatever you feel its worth, with all the proceeds going to various charities. Giving $10 is fair. Any less is not doing the food – and the institution – justice.

2007-10-27T01:22:00.000-07:00

on gender and dance... at Power House

my coach told me about gaymen in netherlands... like its an ordinary thing...

my friend started to dance in a weird way... like a gay (you can imagine). perhaps he was drunk or just trying to catch attention... but i didnt like it... i told him...

CHINATOWN... a glimpse of Singapore spirit

2007-10-15T01:13:00.000-07:00

I have been in Singapore a little more than two months now. Busy with school and settling in woes – learning the bus routes and finding the shops for food and stuff - I never managed to catch “that spirit” which I always try to find in a city or a place for the first time. This spirit is often derived by going to the places where the locals are – old districts, markets, popular parks or simply put, places where you can see people letting their hair down - where people are more, often than not, in their unguarded moments.

The fact that I stay just opposite PSA Wharves Gate 3 with busy trucks 24/7, I somehow only know the Singapore as the world sees it today – efficiency, prosperity, trade, tidy city, etc. And I also know that Singaporeans are real hardworking people.

T’was fortunate that one afternoon, a friend reminded me that we should check out Chinatown Heritage Centre (in Chinatown) together. Come to think of it, just two days before the end of the school break, I finally found “that spirit” I was looking for. Actually, I could say rather, I felt that Singapore spirit right there in Chinatown.

flaming lanterns
rows scattered shops and goodies
busy food stalls and restos
running red shirts
old houses in wooden floors
hidden cries of the past
outside the windows
prosperity, vigor, color
history, future, stark contrast

Walking through the dim-lighted corridors of the three-storey shop house, I was transported back in time when Chinese migrants came to Singapore first to seek refuge, then survival and then eventually settle for good. I rephrase a quote from a Chinese of that generation posted on the wall of the museum - ” First we just needed to earn something to earn and send money... then we stayed on to earn more... then more... until going home to China ceased to be an option...”

It was a story of human struggle and survival - pulsating, vibrant, disarmingly colorful and sometimes dark. Migrants disembarking from boats all the way from China, the market places and kopitiam, the cramped shop houses (literally about 2 x 3 meters) where people live and work, the alleys of gamblers, prostitutes, opium smokers and dens, festivities and ceremonies both for the dead and living, etc.

These stories were made more vivid by the interactive exhibits, display, interviews and simulations carefully put together into one impactful presentation. I can almost imagine how it must have been much a soulful journey for the curator who has put these pieces of human stories together. It must have been a challenge yet ironically serves as its own reward. Visiting the Centre gave me the opportunity to experience even a fraction of the same.

As I peek through the pillars of the old windows, I see the busy chaos of the Chinatown area. With its rows and rows of goods from clothes, electronics, food and what not, I observe. The colorful buildings may not have the same double function as the old shop houses, but they are there standing as witnesses to generations of Chinese communities. (The shops, by the way, are more spacious now). But Chinatown of today has the same vibrancy and color, forty years after the first migrants arrived.

Chinatown has that spirit – a pulsating character fashioned by the people inhabiting it. They may be the second or third generation Chinese Singaporeans whom I can say I understand now partially, because of this one Saturday afternoon in Chinatown.

(I didn’t bring my camera that Saturday... photos here courtesy of Kanlapat...)

INFJ

2007-09-30T22:54:00.001-07:00

initial questions: is this me? what should be the benefit for me?

been attending the Coaching Class for about few weeks now...

2007-09-30T09:35:00.000-07:00

question: why do beautiful girls go with these ugly, fat guys?

answer: for love or money? more so for money...

question: what is the thing that you dont have which will make your life complete?

answer: unknown (difficult to answer)

question: what do you want to eat in Chinatown?

answer: thai food!

question: how do you divide a cake?

answer: equally and get the last piece. make sure its equal, be fair to yourself! (Chimi's Dad)

2007-09-29T21:29:00.000-07:00

a day in CHINATOWN

flaming lanterns
rows scattered shops and goodies
busy food stalls and restos
running red shirts
old houses in wooden floors
hidden cries of the past
outside the windows
prosperity, vigour, color
stark contrast

2007-09-06T20:39:00.000-07:00

wellness is so fragile, as life is fragile dear, so enjoy every minute - turtle habibi

2007-08-14T07:24:00.000-07:00

Banyan Condo, 04-03

Clarke quay, Boat Quay, Cuba Libre, China One, Ministry of Music, Insomiac (Chijmes), Marina Mandarin, New Asia Bar, Alleybar

Harbourfront, Raffles Place, Citi Hall, Dhouby Gaut, Outram Park, Clementi, Jurong East, Orchard, Newton, Lavender, Bugis

Vivo City, POSB, Starhub, Hawkers, Village City, Cold Storage, Giant-Vivomart, Chinatown, Little India, Mustafa

BTC - OTH, MM, Computer Lab, Student Co-op, Study Rooms, CJ Koh, Cafeteria, Chicken Teriyaki Pao, Cafe takeaway

KRC - PGP, CAS, Computer Centre, MPSH, Yusouf Hall, etc...

yoshi the chef?

2007-06-20T03:34:00.000-07:00

why not?

http://www.treecafe.com.tw/en/b2.htm

i just have to try the recipe of this man... met him via CS. and though he spent only a few days in Manila, i can say he is truly an interesting guy...

asked me a few questions like...

for a country that speaks English that much... why Philippines stay undeveloped? are the people receiving enough incentives to work hard?

had some interesting statements such as...

i only met successful people here in Manila

the TRAVEL and LIVING show on the cable channel only shows the nice things about traveling... (which i think is quite right)

i remember walking the streets of Malate for the first time (with him) looking for the FRIENDLY's hostel and a place to have some food (and drinks) just to end up in Saguijos. twas also the first time for me to sit and people watch at the Liwasang Bonifacio...

he has been travelling for quite some time and i truly felt the wisdom of this man.... as he said he worked hard in America to afford the tickets coz its his "education".

i think its refreshing to have met him really... read on his note...

I will be going to a changed home in about three weeks. I will still know and recognize people on the streets, they miss me and I miss them. The little changes will be a killer, I believe the trend of the new polished looking businesses that offer a half assed service (food, show, etc.) has continued, and I would love to be proven wrong. My generation has grown older and does not do the things I used to do any more. And I have changed. I do not talk or walk in the same way I used to. It will all go well because I do not have a different country to call home and never will unless there will be a very extreme circumstance (I know of a guy who married a Malaysian wife, and Israel did not let her in. Now he lives in Taiwan). And I will make good out of it.

2007-06-16T20:32:00.000-07:00

they say people falling in line for a ride in amusement parks are crazy. they wait several hours just to experience a 5 minute ride. but actually, they are not. coz they dont mind waiting. they look for happiness though they know that it takes time.

i think life should be a balance between choices/decisions and "que sera, que sera". the best part is knowing that we did our best in anything - in love, in work, in life... that we did our best although it may not be the "best, best".

after that, we let fate and destiny take its course. i mean sure... we will wish and pray for our desires and hopes but we know that we cannot have all the A cards for ourselves.

2007-06-13T13:21:00.000-07:00

you start where you end...

ending where you have started...

visions unfold one by one

episodes in mind

- macau, 13 June 2007

2007-06-08T03:40:00.000-07:00

i was young, very very young.

but i liked you

i was optimistic. you have bigger heart

i had a lonely and big heart

thought mine is bigger than anyone.

yes, this is true until now. how very strange that nothing has changed after a few years

i had so many time frustrated big this big heart, so closed it. i am about MAN in broad sense. doesnt' matter girl or boy. not easy to have big heart _ _ _ _ _

what is your definition of a big heart? how is your heart now?

may i say what the definition of BIG HEART by others?

BIG HEART means, you are weak... emotional, close to kinds one... you are not acocuntable... you are talking a lot about your secrets you trust others as the last stupid one, after you will have problem from your trust

you are open to everyone but when they look at your heart they never washing their hands before. after BIG HEARTED one staring not to trust, not to love, not to open him/herself. they are not clean with their intention when talking/treating you.or they are not as open, as trusty as nice as ... you.

BIG HEARTED one is easy cake. but this is in short distance, marathon

In long term BIG HEARTED one is more "practical/pragmatic", hence they know that life is marathon big not sprinter distance

at the end of the life i will think that i trusted+helped+supported+understand+shared" many ones issue. i will go back home with smile.

how about one who always were opposite the BIG HEARTED one? Do they able to bring back home every thing or emotions and memories only? for me the richness is now memory, 1000000000 people I will met in my life and their smile.

(you are talking so complex things but which i believe are very true)

okey beauty... you are constant in everything, so you are not "fake" emotioned one. you are also trusted one here

2007-06-01T09:24:00.000-07:00

Why do you refuse the term “happiness”?

That’s because I think that happiness is not a value. I think it’s like a Sunday afternoon – something finally quite boring. What I want in my life is adventure, taking risks, confronting myself with obstacles and feeling alive. -Paulo Coelho

read it yesterday... could it be true?

2007-05-23T19:59:00.000-07:00

fatos, come to think of it... i was able to meet a real princes in my lifetime...

i met the niece of the Sultan of Jogyakarta, Indonesia when i was there about a week ago. she even assisted me when it was time for shopping for some souvenirs.

nothing... i just remembered you again. you have always called me princess... and if being a princess means being modest, humble and giving like Princess Inung... then i accept it.

selamat datang... Indonesia

2007-05-16T10:10:00.000-07:00

sambal (spicy sauce)

the tileroofs

packets of green in the city

ayam goreng (friend chicken)

gurame goreng (fried gurame)

gado-gado (vegetables in peanut sauce)

durian ice cream (ask PS how it tastes)

Borobudur man

Prambanan

Malioboro

Taman Sari

Sultan's Palace

Inung, the Sultan's niece

Sate Senayan

Sari Kuring...

SMKN 27 (and the English teacher from Paraguay)

PKBM 35

Anggun

Sultan Hotel (former Hilton)

busy flight...

2007-05-07T17:47:00.000-07:00

first adobo on boardPAL

Filipino-Chinese businessmen in Indonesia

Vietnam (Hue and Da Nang) featured in Mabuhay magazine

Armenia-France Relations

Writers/French authors (LABEL magazine October 2006)

French Research Center in Israel

2007-04-30T22:37:00.000-07:00

i feel that i could cry right now, but i have no tears

oh, probably i also finished my tears. no tears could flow from my eyes but the more painful are the tears i feel in my heart

no way to go out...

its just trapped there... and its painful... really heavy

2007-04-30T22:29:00.000-07:00

it was so confusse for me, as if I had in drugs... i couldn t feel the time that day, everything was so intensive, till I arrive dto toulouse, then after some 3 more hours of talking with my sister...

I arrived to her Cahor's home... after dinner and all of that, I finally reached the bed... alone, terribly alone, in a room.

then, I sat in the bed, tired of all that intensive day....

i toke out our class picture from my bag, i put it in the floor... then I started to cry.... I realized then that everything was over.

that was one of the most terrible feeling moments in my life. I felt very empty.

i only remember that they, as they stayed one more day at campus, they felt the spaces so empty of life.

Here comes the clown
His face is a wall
No window
No air at aall
In the dark of the night
Those faces they haunt me
But I wish you were
So close to me
By my side

2007-04-19T10:22:00.000-07:00

I just knock the door of god
with your hands
like two birds
like two blossoms
like two tears

I just knock the door of god
with your eyes
like two marbles

- fatos...

2007-04-19T07:06:00.000-07:00

"When men started to sail across oceans and continents, they discovered lands and people which are different from their own...First, they conquered because the land/people discovered tend to fight them with bows, arrows and stones.

Then they lived with them... became part of them. He planted his seeds and earned in this new land. Then he understood really what it was to be like them...

So centuries come, his children became native to this land... New people again came... but as their forebear taught them... they welcomed them... "

but maybe not this simple...

live... a forwarded message!

2007-04-01T19:10:00.000-07:00

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.

2007-03-29T15:41:00.000-07:00

The most interesting thing about heart transplants is that one completely loses his own heart & be replaced with someone else's yet still has the feelings for the same person he loves.

This proves that love works in the minds of people & not in their hearts. Bottomline is, love is a state of mind. You'll learn how to forget only if you try doing so."

--- Dr. Burke, Grey's Anatomy

2007-03-27T19:55:00.000-07:00

what if i become a HERMIT? will that make me happy?
will that fulfill all my heart's longings?

today riding the TAXI (cab for some)
this thought suddenly snapped

maybe the reason why i cant seem
to feel happiness is because

of the many worries that...
comes with living day to day...

the material things... you have to think of... (what shall i eat?, what shall i wear?)
those activities you want to engage in... (movies... dinner... coffee...?)

what if i get stuck in Batanes?
in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and South China sea?

what if i just look out there from the cliff?
breathtaking view.... the waves inviting
the clouds smiling...
the sun mischievously picking behind them

ahhh... perhaps, i can live a millennium
just frozen... in this beauty...

i will never have to eat... or move...
(or shower... toothbrush is immaterial!)

i only need my pen... and my pad paper...

(Immanuel Kant? is this moral or immoral? what is your categorical imperative on this one?)

2007-03-27T19:45:00.000-07:00

Former President of Peru in Manila...

Dr. Alejandro Toledo... a Peruvian... a Latin American... a Democrat... an Economist... a World Bank Official... Former President... a Teacher... a lifelong learner... a poor shoeshine boy... from an indigenous peoples' group...

a global visionary... an economist of human resources

last night was a privileged night cause i got to meet this interesting man...

free at last...

2007-03-25T05:23:00.000-07:00

have you ever wondered how it feels
going out a winding dark tunnel?
after hundreth year, seeing that light, you shudder
enormous blend of emotions creep within
anticipation, relief, ecstasy, and fear.

have you imagined climbin' a tree
going up, suspended mid-air?
bare hands and feet, your shot at safety
but, whew - at the top
sublime, pure breeze refreshes
embraces, enfolds you, heaven!

have you swum endless strokes
cruel waves pushin' sidesweeping?
yet you came, steadily, strong against the current
you arrive, still in shape.

emerging from the dark,
conquering the heights, crossing the vast ocean
victory over these, what else?
glory, after a "doomed" ....................................

- - -

3 years after...

i am free from these chains...
yet somehow, sometimes... a part of me feels the same
of different causes, reasons of course...

perhaps, in this life, we are also some kind of prisoners...
bounded by the "world" we live in...
binded by our loves, our hopes and aspirations...

chained by our fears...
we are held...
and somehow... we miss out many things...

the simple joys, those joys which are of no value
simply because they are priceless...

i long to fly like a bird...
swim like a baby just born
just trusting... strong and abandoned...

2007-03-12T23:02:00.000-07:00

nix, thanks. what an appropriate piece of thought for me. but dont get me wrong, i dont mean that i am unthankful or i feel sorry for myself...

actually, i feel so privileged that the Lord has made me who I am today... even with all the heartaches and pains... I think that they are blessings too for without them... I will not be as strong, as open-minded and as focused...

but there are times really that i cannot grasp this concept of happiness... or perhaps i am looking for a specific kind of happiness which is not really possible?

i dont know... im not sure. I know life is not perfect (how can i wish for this when so many others suffer more than myself) but somehow... i am looking for something...

its just that...

2007-03-12T02:51:00.000-07:00

soul eclipse...

just what it means? all i know is that my heart will always be achin' for my indigo, casanova and turtle...

maybe, i will not see them again in my lifetime, but this soul is forever filled with their memories and spirit... achin' at the same time laughin'...

Colors of Lemery, Batangas...

2007-03-04T20:23:00.000-08:00

Sigpawan Festival sa Lemery

On 08 April 2007, the Municipality of Lemery, Batangas is organizing the first Sigpawan Festival as a celebration of the town’s long history as a fishing community benefiting from the resources coming from Balayan Bay.

Lemery is 113 kilometers from Manila and 26 kilometers from Batangas City, the provincial capitol. Statistics reveals it is one of the most prosperous towns of Batangas with majority of its land area used for agricultural industries such as farming, fisheries, and livestock. Yet the town is also quite known for its dozen resorts which attract local tourists especially during the heat of the summer.

Recognizing the bounty of its natural resources, Lemery’s leaders would like to highlight during Sigpawan festival a spirit of thanksgiving amongst the local people. “Sigpaw” is the local word for a “small net with a handle” that is used by fisher folks to scoop fish from wide fishnets then transferred to containers and delivered to the local markets.

The festival will feature simultaneous religious and cultural activities starting with a thanksgiving mass in honor of San Roque, the town’s patron saint then followed by a parade from the church going to the fishport. Meantime, a wall painting contest goes on at the town’s elementary school participated in by the young artists of Lemery. These are then followed by live band performances and awarding ceremonies.

The afternoon’s highlight is a featured tour of the sites to see in Lemery such as the Fantasy World located on the top of a hill, the Leisure Farm, Taal Volcano, the Taal Basilica (once the biggest church in East Asia), and the Pansipit River which is famous for its Maliputo fish.

Through the Sigpawan Festival, the Municipal Government of Lemery as well as the Lemery Development Foundation, Inc. envisions a renewed interest in the town as tourist destination where local and foreign tourists alike will have the experience of communing with the rich colors of a typical Filipino fishing community.

27 March 2007

for press release to Philippine Star

sober with korean

2007-02-23T10:03:00.000-08:00

2007-02-19T20:57:00.000-08:00

A turning tide
Lovers at a great divide
why d'you laugh
When I know that you hurt inside?

And why d'you say
It's just another day, nothing in my way
I don't wanna go, I don't wanna stay
So there's nothing left to say?
And why d'you lie
When you wanna die, when you hurt inside
Don't know what you lie for anyway
Now there's nothing left to say

A tell-tale sign
You don't know where to draw the line

And why d'you say
It's just another day, nothing in my way
I don't wanna go, I don't wanna stay
So there's nothing left to say
And why d'you lie
When you wanna die, when you hurt inside
Don't know what you lie for anyway
Now there's nothing left to say

Well for a lonely soul, you're having such a nice time
For a lonely soul, you're having such a nice time
For a lonely soul, it seems to me that you're having such a nice time
You're having such a nice time

For a lonely soul, you're having such a nice time
For a lonely soul, you're having such a nice time
For a lonely soul, it seems to me that you're having such a nice time
You're having such a nice time

another one of the turtles' dolce y triste songs...

2007-02-14T07:05:00.000-08:00

dont be afraid to receive love more than you can return, be afraid that you can't give back the love although you really can. LOVE need not be equal or fair, it only needs to be TRUE!

- thanks J. Manzano

rest...

2007-02-13T01:25:00.000-08:00

2007-02-13T01:19:00.000-08:00

the lures of the kingdom of Siam...

the markets...

the spices...

i can see how it is

why it is

a hit among travelers...

no wonder, indeed

my wandering soul wanted to stay

to stay more...

but next time...

for now... this suffice

2006-12-23T17:14:00.000-08:00

Wishing you all the warmth that good memories bring...
Wisdom and grace to accept everything else in between...
Hope and cheer for what our future brings...
And a happy, contented heart and working hands to enjoy life worth living...

(opang, helen, princess - 23 december 2006)

let love rain...

2006-12-22T17:40:00.000-08:00

as i lie here looking at the sky
im wondering why the world is still at war.

as i look out and marvel at the moon,
i wish that very soon we'd realize who we are.

we're all the same one under one warming sun,
with a single life to live -
there's no battle to be won.

we dont have a lot of time.
our hour is soon over

let's make a difference while we're here
let us cry with happy tears

just love life and live it well
let our love out, let it swell

mothers, daughters, fathers, sons -
let love rain on everyone

let love rain, let love rain
let it rain on everyone
let it rain on everyone
let it rain

- holiday rock ballad
blue mountain, december 2006

surprise...

2006-12-18T23:23:00.000-08:00

bag of beans...

nix, doesnt fail to surprise me. it seems she has all the time to go around and find these nice little places... spaces...

just like this one in the deepest night of Tagaytay...

for that, let's drink chocolat!

2006-12-04T02:04:00.000-08:00

Let me sleep
For when I sleep
I dream that you are here
You’re mine
And all my fears are left behind
I float on air
The nightingale sings gentle lullabys
So let me close my eyes

And sleep
Per chance to dream
So I can see the face I long to touch
To kiss
But only dreams can bring me this
So let the moon
Shine softly on the boy I long to see
And maybe when he dreams
He’ll dream of me

I’ll hide beneath the clouds
And whisper to the evening stars
They tell me love is just a dream away
Dream away
I’ll dream away

So let the moon
Shine softly on the boy I long to see
And maybe when he dreams
He’ll dream of me...

- i heard this song a few years ago, not knowing the title, artist or the album (where it came from) i just said, its beautiful - dreamy though.

but now i am a declared day dreamer, i searched for it - i found it...

2006-11-13T16:45:00.000-08:00

Your reason and your passion are the rudder and the sails of your seafaring soul. If either be broken, you can but toss and drift, or else be held a standstill in mid-seas. For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining; and passion, unattended, is a flame that burns to its own destruction.

- Kahlil Gibran

2006-10-30T19:40:00.000-08:00

When you've reached the goal

you've chosen for yourself,

set your sights on an even higher objective.

And keep going.

When things have not worked out

the way you planned,

learn the valuable lessons

that the experience has to offer.

And keep going.

The key to meaningful achievement

is not in how clever you are

or how lucky you are

or in how much advantage you can gain over others.

The key is to keep going.

When other people give you encouragement,

insight and assistance,

thank them for their help while offering

your own special value in return.

And keep going.

When others seek to block your every effort,

raise yourself up to where you can clearly see

beyond their petty, shortsighted attempts.

And keep going.

Whatever may come or go

or happen or fail to happen,

there is always a way,

some way or another, to keep going.

You will get wherever you wish to go

when you consistently choose,

in each moment, to simply, thankfully

and gracefully keep going.

-- Ralph Marston

2006-10-27T22:54:00.000-07:00

in life we dont need someone who'll love us so much and will give us the world. but instead, we need someone who'll be there and never leave us no matter what happens...

do you agree?

2006-10-23T19:28:00.000-07:00

love your work

if you don't like your work,
you'll need three times the energy:
to force yourself to work,
to resist the force,
and finally to work.

if you love your work,
your desire to do it
will be like a wind
to propel your ship
with much less fuel.

if you like your work,
you work no more -
for work, when you like it,
is work no longer,
but sheer enjoyment!

if you enjoy your work,
you'll work and work
without counting the hours -
and you'll reap and enjoy
more earnings as well.

- H.L. Neri

i was early in the office of the Deputy Minister of Education (waiting for a meeting) and I saw this somewhat old poster in a glass frame... it hit me... because this has been always my principle...

i decided... that i want to try other things... i told Shaman that perhaps i reached the breakeven point...

but after UNESCO i should look for something... that i love...

then i dedicate myself to it... i sometimes think its gonna be difficult...

life is like this... there are crossroads...

and i have to go through these...

2006-10-19T03:47:00.000-07:00

here i go again...

after a year, the feeling is here again
oh, i wish i can explain...
but i can't

even the turtle is luckier...
he chose this song
saying this is what he feels...

Crystal Ball

Who is the man I see where I'm supposed to be?
I lost my heart, I buried it too deep under the iron sea.

Oh, crystal ball, crystal ball,
Save us all, tell me life is beautiful,
Mirror, mirror on the wall.

Lines ever more unclear,
I'm not sure I'm even here,
The more I look the more I think
that I'm starting to disappear.

Oh, crystal ball, crystal ball,
Save us all, tell me life is beautiful,
Mirror, mirror on the wall.

Oh, crystal ball, hear my song,
I'm fading out, everything I know is wrong,
So put me where I belong.

I don't know where I am,
and I don't really care,
I look myself in the eye,
there's no one there.

I fall upon the earth,
I call upon the air,
but all I get is the same old vacant stare.

Oh, crystal ball, crystal ball,
Save us all, tell me life is beautiful,
Mirror, mirror on the wall.

Oh, crystal ball, hear my song,
I'm fading out, everything I know is wrong,
So put me where I belong.