spielberg effect

if an artist's work is shared (as he opted to) and results to a deluge spielberg effect, who is it to blame? is it the artist, the mob or the media?or perhaps we should go back and rethink our definitions of art, art appreciation and promotion? is art to be shared, shared-targeted, all or none of the above?

i remember a friend once telling me "all art has been contemporary". i interpreted it as "individuals having to always struggle at the beginning to be noticed or for their work to be appreciated." but what about the other side of the coin?

i am often amased at how popular culture is viewed in a sort of contempt - as i myself is guilty of. what is wrong if works are hugely embraced and i don't? i ask myself...

A Discourse on Myself...

I may not be perfect but I can love. I can care with all my heart.

I can be stubborn sometimes but I know how to obey. Humble myself is not that hard.

I may be a dreamer but I can start from the low. From there I can get the stars I dream for.

I may be a critic but I know how to listen. And accept mistakes and shortcomings.

I may long for freedom but the responsibility I know. Limitations are always there.

I can smile and laugh, find the simple joys of life, but I know how to cry too.

I may be hard and composed outside but I also feel pain, pains that crush my heart.

I can be silent. But I know how to shout, how to sing, sing what’s inside, shout what’s on my mind!

I maybe a singer, a poet, a writer, a day dreamer or a philosopher, but for sure I will always be the simple me.



* * * * * * * circa 1999-2000 * * * * * * *

a north in the compass...

How can we manage to maintain so beautifull memories in our lives forever? As every time we talk about Turin... my blood warms... or something happen... as I immediately get drunk and start to dream, to feel good, to have "saudade". I am afraid that these memories just became "memories" as ordinary ones... cause these beutifull feelings are still moving me and they are like little deep hermetic secret treasures that only sometimes I open and makes me air to breath in this ordinary life. I hope it will be forever as you say.

Thanks, I always loved you moved by my words... as we would have the same code. Thanks... I also need sometimes to enter to our secret sacred space to feel alive.... Thanks to share this with me.

"Happiness is a time, a place." I lately succeed, I am ok, but of course every time I remember Turin, like now, I felt that that was a real happiness you know... as a model... a "north" in the compass.


- turtle habibi reminiscin' 09

memories and amnesia...

"memories are alive"... funny but this phrase just popped up again after well - 4 years and i am transported back to Turin times, again as i remember a famous line from gora.

back to the present... its one of the striking lines from a movie last Wednesday called Waltz with Bashir. the last i think of the Animation Nation 2009 (a pity!). the movie was ironic, heartbreaking and artistically done. the rock soundtrack is fantastic, funny in a dark way, as you see the brutality and stupidity of the raids and air strikes.

and then there were these other images -

looking at violence and war through "a lens" because there is no other way to look, participate and experience it without being broken, torn apart. the metaphor is as much interesting as is the symbolical meaning it connotes - that this lens is a kind of an adoptive mechanism of the subconscious. perhaps this has been studied many times in the psychological field. (i don't know... i should read about it)

firing a gun in a state of trance...

5 or 6 people shooting like mad on a car...

hearing rock and roll music onboard a battle tank and just suddenly seeing the head of your buddy knocked down (and later realising its bullet from somewhere, anywhere)...

was i surprised to meet a friend of a friend who actually revels in being a “rock star” when welcomed to new places?! that kind of attention, of people prying on you. such curiosity that is weighed down by the color of the skin, eyes, hair, one’s might, height or anything strikingly uncharacteristic of the locals. and for sure, many of my “white” friends complain that people always suspect of their purse’ rosy, fatsy status.

certainly, i never enjoyed such. going to some place unknown makes me free (or gives me such an illusion). it’s a break, a getaway, a solace... not just from the hassles of the city but even perhaps from the trappings of my own self... in an alien place, i’m kind of reborn - entering a kind of tabula rasa state. bliss, yes! and then all images come clearer - hues, sound and scent more vivid.

i love the feeling of walking in the sidewalks knowing that nobody will ever call your name, to be lost in a market scene, to get lost in bus or train rides and not be bothered by the time clicking. most of all, to be met by random smiles, raw kindness from completely alien people as you are.

So why do you travel?

Quest-ce que c`est l`amour?

Love is science, love is white magic, love is balladry, love is doggerel, love is doo-wop-wop-wop, love is a myth, love is ambiguity, love is the letter of the law, love is food, love is sophistry, love is subject predicate and object, love is the gulf of the incommunicable, love is a physical sensation, love is a social utopia, love is revolution, love is servitude, love is a marketing tool, love is torture, love is a colour, love is silence, love is white noise, love is the part of someone that doesn`t exist but that you can see, love is salvation, love is a trick of the light, love is hydraulics, love is the celestial abode, love is pretending, love is sickness, love is medicine, love is an armistice between warriors, love is a word I wish I`d once not used, love is like riding a bicycle and love is art. Did I leave out anything? - J.B., 30 may 2007

flying around a cathedral

it's been a while since i had a very coherent dream. many of the past ones are just images or scenes that flash in no particular flow or rationale. and then a few days ago there was the flying classroom!

we were touring an old cathedral - huge one. it was an upside down classroom with tables and chairs and students. there was someone blaberring about a "stained glass window art" - explaining what it was. at the side of my eyes, i see many of such and the plan was to fly the students to each of them.

when the flying classroom geared towards the next stained glass, something fell in the water! and those were mine! i shouted "stop" to the flying classroom (there was no captain or whatsoever but it stopped) and then i picked up the two little notebooks i have in the water (i couldnt place which part of the cathedral the fountain was located and actually before the notebooks fell, it was not part of the vision of the place).

and then when i was coming back to my place, i saw someone occupying my seat (he was a classmate from my old school in the province). strange since i remember he was always sitting on that spot. where could have i been all along since the journey to the cathedral started?

a lesson in humility...

it was one of those days when i thought i was all set. i packed my bags way ahead and arrived at the airport 2 hours before the scheduled flight. but then voila!

i was limping my way to the travel tax payment counter since i had a minor surgery on the left foot. when the officer looked at my passport, he told me that i need a piece of paper instead from POEA and that i need not pay the travel tax. in turn, i said that i was willing to pay the price just so that i can go since i have that disability at the moment (he told me to go to the POEA desk who then told me that I should go another office... etc).

oh my was i panicky! i was pissed. i was worried! i was thinking of the long queu while i crawl my way to that payment window. i told the guy, what if i miss my flight and then a long series of questions and buts, you have to, you need to, you should know... etc. (i even took a picture of the counter as i planned actually to report it.) in the end, i was exasperated of arguing and i just called the driver to come back so that i could go to that "Office."

just when i was there sitting and looking worried and tired, the guy told me that he will try to call his supervisor and ask about my case. i overheard him say "... yes she has bandage on her foot..." finally, after almost 30 minutes (the driver has arrived), the Officer told me that his boss agreed and that they made an exemption because of my injury.

he reminded me again that i should go and get this POEA permit or certification since I am now officially an overseas filipino worker (OFW) and no longer a student. whew!

i was thinking if i approached it differently would my request have been granted quickly? maybe, i was too pushy or proud since i have never traveled with such hassles. i got used to diplomatic or official status - having to carry a special passport and letter from the higher-ups by-passing any other questions, etc.

hhhhhmmm... i really should get used to answering immigration questions and POEA rules and i should go to the Philippine Embassy in Singapore ASAP!

ode to my family...

home is where the heart is... as the saying goes...

thinking about it, I now realize i have several homes. it s possible, yes. and i myself is stunned by this realization. i have home in the tropical islands, in the little red dot, in the north americas and now i even have my heart in The Queen's land.

my home... - with them i dont have to speak, just be there and still know that im loved and accepted. my mom never stops worrying about me, my sister looks after me, father watches over in another sphere and my brother, its a love and hate relationship (my quirkiness i guess) ...

how i'd describe my family? quite modern yet still conservative (reason why we rarely discuss really personal details about ourselves, unless necessary and called for). now, i am learning to be more vocal, more open...

we were raised to work hard and be self-sufficient. and so the basic principle is "do your thing, but be sure to take responsibility." there are good and bad sides to this principle but whatever comes, we stand close to each other. this is true that is why it is home.

home also means - location and time is immaterial. for years now, i have been living in different cities, flats - moving about, meeting new people, new friends, new acquaintances. it's nice and it makes one realize how friendships, relationships cross geographical, cultural boundaries. but at the end of the day, and after all the wheels and drive of these encounters start to fade away... home is where you find solace, comfort like curling up in the sheets as you sleep.

Culture 101

coming from the pantry after pouring my cup with water, i was surprised to see a piece of paper on my desk. hhhhmmm... i saw the word Culture on top and so I approached Katelijn to know what it was all about. she smiled and said no its your neighbor...

walked back to my desk and a little while later i asked Ana, is this survey yours and i asked if she is doing a paper or something (she is really into research and stuff)? she said, no, its just for your own.

and so one by one i answered the questions and well, it was an interesting exercise. the curious thing is when i compared answers with Edwige and Katelijn, somehow there are similarities. ok differences, that is normal. but its amazing actually when we try to figure out why we answered differently. it's because a few times, we understood the question in a different sense.

Ah, a lesson in culture. can it be learned? define culture...

muse/s for the day

shadows horizon
by Illac Diaz
Raza, February 2009


jelly fishes clinging to the leaves or stars turned white descended?
by Najwa Fathimath
Beijing, February 2009


yellow flowers-foggy building
by Patrick Kassmann
Macau, February 2009


affection
by JoeSardz
Antipolo City, undated



Yes these works of art are not mine, but hey, I named these photos according to how they inspired me ;-) it's amazing how works of art can stir some emotions/inspiration. a welcome break from work indeed.

NO TIME

i had a nice dinner on Sunday at BBQ pit #3 courtesy of a vivacious, funny, sweet Lebanese friend. and oh she has a sister who is even sexier (yes she is, sorry dear friend :-), i just find artists really with their creative imagination and different way of looking at things.

what a pleasant surprise then that the toilet break we had became a little screening: NO TIME.

"when we sleep we escape, we escape from time. when we take a still photo we freeze
time. when we orgasm time stops. time runs very fast and the only way to freeze it is
by sleep, cameras and orgasm."

- Carine Koleilat

flashes, sporadic thinking...

having to share the burden of strategic planning and thinking/rethinking of people concerns, i had a lot of headache for the last 48 hours or so. its daunting, it is...

then i remember motivation and rewards, groupthink, communication and organizational change lectures. oh i wish you were here Jak to help us figure out these things. or perhaps the bough tie man has the same thinking just bounded by other things...

--------

just a moment ago, going through some papers (pseudo clutter) at beaverloft, i found a piece of paper saying:

"Presumably the change agent is motivated by a desire to help other people. But, why does he want to help them? Is he genuinely interested in their welfare? Or - and this is sometimes the case - does he enjoy giving help solely because it inspires feelings of power, assurance, or self-righteousness in him? Usually of course, motivation is complex and involves both altruism and self-interest. This is not bad in itself. The danger comes at the point where the change agent is so busy creating a situation which will satisfy his own needs that he is unable to respond to the needs of the client system. When this happens, his help may actually be a hindrance."

- G. Lippitt

change that we need?

let me outrightly say that i was moved by the "Obama story," well as of today at least. I've watched a number of videos, speeches; read a few articles and interviews, etc; and well, i waited for his Inauguration speech and got a headache the following morning. In short, I love the President's Persona and the ideals he stand for (at least the soundbytes that I have got).

I was moved by his speech reading it again this morning when I took a few minutes break from working. I would say that I am one of those rooting for him, for his O' Administration and for the renewed America that he proposes. Hopefully with his team of astute technocrats and the support of America's bureaucrats, he'd be able to turn around the America that we admire and prove once again the values it stand for works, in Obama's words -- honesty and hard work, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty.

And these same values are held true by many peoples and nations around the world, that is why perhaps, at least half of the world's population is watching the other day...



Obama's Inauguration Speech
http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2009/1/20/1261/02980/1004/686506


Obama's inauguration poem by Elizabeth Alexander
http://poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/20545?gclid=CPGV2sPro5gCFc8vpAodAnGmnA

"all art has been contemporary" perhaps one of the most memorable lines from my habibi off Isla del Sol...

and he is right. many artists when they start to express themselves automatically becomes contemporary artists and it's not easy to go through the process.

i am among those who never quite understand sometimes contemporary arts. offhand, the impression is that it's quite chaotic and you get the feeling that you are lost trying to understand what it means...

however, after having been exposed to some colleagues in the art and culture sector and exchanging opinions and asking quite stupid questions... i am now convinced that the overall relevance of an artistic product of a specific period (contemporary) is how it reflects the realities of that specific time or era... it serves as a mirror from which you can see what is happening around - whether fancy, depressing, colossal, etc. and i should say that most of these are raw channels...

i guess this is the context from which we can view contemporary arts... perhaps the key is to try to have a dialogue and a disposition of openness and somehow, maybe contextualise...

henna...

Little more things you need to know about India

Know that there is Little India in the little red dot!

You can take the Buffalo (road) to get trimmed hair and henna.

A walk past a tiny little corner (where is the temple) shall provide you dark yellow sweets (c/o God Perumal)

Cross the street and you shall be at your Villas (Komala) - feast there! :-)

Remember to grab coconut (hair) nourishment from Mustafa!

... multiculturalism overlooks the fact that people can never quite embody their own culture so what people find in common is the fact that they never live up to what their culture tells them to be.

Zizek (paraphrased by J. L. Owen)

... it is not the task of the philosopher to act as the Big Other who tells us about the world but rather to challenge our own ideological presuppositions. The philosopher, is more someone who criticizes than someone who tries to answer questions.

- Žižek

divided by a common language

over lunch earlier, an interesting topic came about trigerred by a malicious comment of a colleague to a colleague...

question: just when do we draw the line between "misuse of words", joke or abuse? which factors to consider when trying to communicate? seniority? authority? gender? culture? personality?

and then came a brilliant anecdote (dont know the reference though). UK and US are two nations divided by the English language as if to answer the previous question.

and then another question: does communication start with common language or the common need and want to communicate?

what can cinema do???

entertainment, information, mover?

i enjoy movies that make me think and also films that make me get away from "my world of work". last night, I watched The Constant Gardener and i found it as such a moving experience. The plot is actually about drug testing in Africa (Kenya, in this case). I may not be a learned "movie critic" but I can say that this one gave me a balance of information, entertainment as well as somehow encouraged me to think more about this issue. i think that the actors were great as well. though some of the "thriller aspects" of the movie would somehow be predictable...

in fact, the movie moved me to search about Drug testing and I e-mailed my friend who did a paper on Malaria and the MNCs just a few months ago...

reading mixed reviews of the movie, i still think its a good one.

are birds really free?

as we were having lunch at the Arts (a favorite, loads of people there!), heavy rain poured. we were thinking, hhhmmmm... its gonna be free afternoon ;-))) we were thinking to order some coffeee or tea after lunch was finished...

then the bird flew in on one of the tables. and Nao said, huh, they can fly with wet wings or something to this effect (perhaps I misunderstood her). but then I, instead wondered if birds are really free?

we do think of birds as free - as symbols of freedom - spread your wings and fly - is a quote borrowed a thousandth time. and even the rain, they can fly through the rain while we were stock there wonderin, strategizin, how to go back to office.

what could be the limits of a bird's freedom? or is there such? yeah, thinking hard and i dont know why...

an interesting MSN article

Mike Leigh: portraying women as "not just male fantasies"

"I'm a feminist, though that's not where I came from," says British award-winning director Mike Leigh of his latest movie "Happy-Go-Lucky", a comedy featuring Sally Hawkins as the free-spirited heroine.

Hawkins, who plays positive-about-life primary schoolteacher Poppy, took home a Best Actress award for the role at this year's Berlin Film festival, where the movie was shown prior to its release in different parts of the world.

An ode to the homespun wisdom of always looking on the bright side, Leigh with his trademark kitchen-sink realism shows how irrepressibly positive 30-something Poppy takes all sorts of problems in her stride.

But he also shows how disconcerting this can be to people without a naturally happily predisposition.

"I come from a bourgeois, terribly repressive background from Great Britain in the 50s," he added. "My whole life has been about personal freedom, many of my films are about that."

In counter-point to Poppy is her driving instructor Scott -- played by Eddie Marsan recently seen in "21 Grams", "Hancock" and "Gangs of New York" -- who is so alienated he cannot handle his infatuation with her.

"The point about Poppy," Leigh said in an interview, "is she is ultimately serious, she has the capacity to care. But with that she's open-minded, free-spirited."

While Poppy was at one with existence, Scott was completely out of touch, he said. "He understands nothing, he's totally cut off from his emotions, his feelings, his own motivations."

Leigh, now aged 61, has won multiple Oscar nominations for his slice-of-life films, including the 2004 feature on a backroom abortionist "Vera Drake", and his 1996 drama about family secrets "Secrets & Lies".

In many of the films, women play a prime role.

"Though I see the world as a heterosexual male person, my job is to tell a story in a way that makes each character keep its complete integrity, no matter if it's a man or a woman."

"As a film-maker, I feel I have to make good parts for women because there aren't many in the world, parts that are not just male fantasies."

"Happy-Go-Lucky", said Leigh, did not have a single message.

"It's about a multiplicity of things," he said.

"It's about being fulfilled by the richness of life, not about joy or happiness, but it has to do with responsibility and work and caring."

"In all my films, it is not conscious but it comes from my own life, there is a battle, a struggle, a tension between repression and freedom, anarchy and free spirit."

Brown Penny

I WHISPERED, 'I am too young,'
And then, 'I am old enough';
Wherefore I threw a penny
To find out if I might love.
'Go and love, go and love, young man,
If the lady be young and fair.'
Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny,
I am looped in the loops of her hair.
O love is the crooked thing,
There is nobody wise enough
To find out all that is in it,
For he would be thinking of love
Till the stars had run away
And the shadows eaten the moon.
Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny,
One cannot begin it too soon.

of Kant and perceptions

one of the most striking lectures of Jak to our class is about perceptions - in particular the attribution error that many of us commit unconsciously. to quote an article on The Straits Times (June 2008 by Gary Hayden):

"In general, the way people act depends partly on character and disposition, and partly on circumstances. But when we judge the actions of others, we tend to make a fundamental error. We attribute too much to personality and character and too little to situation and context."

i always believed that i give the benefit of the doubt to any person and any circumstance - meaning even if i hear something bad about a person, im not easily swayed that a person is such. i postpone any judgement at first instance and at least try to see the situation. basically what happened and why it happened. of course the who part is inevitable to crop up. we all are influenced by our characteristics but then behavior are influenced by factors in our environment. motivation, rewards and punishment do play a part.

perhaps this is one of the greatest lessons i learned in the MPA classroom of Jak. i was a true blue Kantian (categorical imperative) until i was swayed by this strong theory. and indeed it has many circumstances to back it up. though i still believe that people do choose to do good or right on his or her own not because of fear of going to hell or jail but because it is right, now i can say that sometimes people choose to do otherwise not because of their own free choice but because they are pushed by circumstances.

- to be continued...

discoveries while home...

Charles really eats a lot! and likes to give many alibis when asked to read... yet he can read and great with numbers!

My sister is really great in choosing gifts for kids ;-)));

Bagoong Club Resto (Sacred Heart, Quezon City, +632 929-0544; 929-5450; http://bagoongclub.multiply.com/) - its really great with its very homey feeling and the good food and very personalized service. As I said like a 5 star hotel. You are given customized attention ;-)));

Meryll Streep is fabulous with her high jump antics on Mama Mia;

Helen is a strong storm;

Found a cozy cafe (with wi-fi) in Antipolo called Espresso Excelso and its really great!

The theme of the Dark Knight is so similar to the dilemna faced by most policy makers - then the State of the Nation Address (SONA) by GMA!;

I missed Filipino telenovelas;

I really miss phinesfreak and van dam! of course i miss orleans too...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inUKxeeHSM4&NR=1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-fmhEmt_t0

hhhmmm... the song i heard before i even know about Winnie the Pooh!

ha the wisdom that can only come after the fact! and then you realize you may have missed doing something or just feel sorry you didnt do otherwise.

still, we are instruments even with our own fears that we were unfit to face the tides.

at least we can describe how it was in our moment, leave the rest of the deciphering to the ones after us.

I know... the joy is in the journey. You have to live at the moment... breathe it... But sometimes it gets tiring, or maybe because no matter how new each leaf that flies... you somehow see similarities, patterns...

There are lines... and these lines you see in each...
There is shade and light...
There is that smell - different they may be
And the sensation... you touch and you feel...

This touch makes you wish something is more permanent. Because, that fleeting moment of connection gets to you.

Sometimes you wish its not too wishful thinking to hold on to something...

... some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all - in which case, you fail by default.

Failure gave me an inner security that I had never attained by passing examinations.

Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way.

I discovered that I had a strong will, and more discipline than I had suspected; I also found out that I had friends whose value was truly above rubies.The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive.

You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift, for all that it is painfully won, and it has been worth more to me than any qualification I ever earned.

- an excerpt from J. K. Rowling's Harvard Commencement Address


I could not agree more, there are failures in my life that are more valuable than any winnings and triumphs. I have recognized that I would have been a different person otherwise...

And friends, yes, those friends that stay... they are those who will stay for the next 100 years (even if we all cease to live that long enough, at least they are willing to be there!).

I would like to beg you, dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.

- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet (Letter Four Worpswede, near Bremen July 16, 1903)

SURVIVAL KIT ANYONE?

Be your own person. Never let the goings on outside change or influence you, if the inner self is not convinced to do so.

Be independent without being aloof or "alien".

Learn to communicate, and never be afraid to express yourself.

Be helpful and courteous.

Always check your self-respect in whatever you think, say or do.

Respect others the way you want to be respected.

Take a few minutes off to reflect and ponder the many little things in life often taken for granted like good food, good music, good conversations over a cup of coffee, etc.

Never loose the seeds of hope and faith in your heart.

Smile and laugh, and eat!

Spend time with the persons you love.

Look at the night sky and gather some fresh air, once in a while.

Enjoy and go out to unwind but be responsible to look after yourself, after all you’ll be better off without unnecessary worries. Simply said, have clean fun!

Never harm and deliberately cause pain to others. And just in case, do not allow pride get in the way of repairing damages done.

Never abuse and use people for your own good and interests.

Know and accept who you are and be the best of whatever you can be!

Love and inspire people as much as you can!

Be true and fair in all circumstances.

Remember that real happiness comes with clear conscience and a healthy sense of meaning and fulfillment.

Read good books and learn from experience!

Never be afraid to stand for what you believe is right. Fight for the truth and you gain dignity.

Humility is the key to greatness.

Be a healthy receiver of criticisms for oftentimes we fail to see ourselves objectively.

Remember that the BIG GUY is looking after you. He knows every little fear, hope, pain, and happiness in your heart.



- Whew, I wrote these a few years ago... I cannot really remember when but i sure sound a little more preachy here. I have always been idealistic I think. But now I ask myself, is this still what I feel? I guess, most of it yes. But I myself still find it difficult to survive in this world of complexities even I have these survival thoughts...

And so perhaps now, it will not be as easy for me to recommend these things to people I meet... but ok, this is here... and maybe it can help...